The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I fear for his life but I am not looking for him. I am not calling him. So, I sit and wait for the phone ring. But not really wait. I am going to work....finding babysitters for my babies and talking to friends, trying not to isolate.
But I still fear. He is 53 years old.....a diabetic and drinking now for almost 3 days. I cleared out his bank account and moved the money to my account. I have a mortgage to pay....bills....preschool tuition.
My husband is dying of alcoholism. He is dying right now. And if the man I married knew that there was a man who was torturing his family, he would kill him. He would have a hard time believing that it is him.
If/when he dies. I will cremate him and put his ashes in a vodka bottle and place it on the podium and tell everyone at the memorial service to pay their respects to "john" and his friend.
Sarcastic....inappropriate to say here....but I j ust had to.
So, off to work I go tomorrow as a trauma ICU nurse....taking care of other drunks who drive drunk, hoping that it won't be my husband.
Hello! I just wanted to tell you that I totally get it. I had a sleepless night last night b/c I couldn't deal with the odor his body expels after drinking a bottle of vodka, his low breathing or at times lack of, etc.
Deep down inside I know that DH is dying. There is no way a body can handle that much vodka night after night after night.
He wakes up in the middle of the night and falls. How he has not hit his head or broken a bone is just beyond me.
Your post made me laugh though. I love what you will do with his ashes. I gotta remember that!!!
I just wanted to tell that you are not alone. You are doing the right thing by taking care of your self and your children.
(((((canary))))) You are in my thoughts and prayers, I can understand exactly how you feel, I remember the waiting, wondering when the call would come and what it would hold THIS TIME. Please take care of you and your children, that really is all you can do and remember there is not one thing that you and your HP can not handle together. I know it is hard right now, but please keep coming back.... your friend in recovery shelly
__________________
Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
I know your feelings and I am sorry for your pain, you are doing what you need to do so keep coming back, and keep sharing and supporting and reading... You will be Ok, just have to have Faith in your HP...
His choices are his own, and I had to learn the hard way with my Afather... Had I thought of the Vodka Bottle I could have gave that a whirl at his funeral 3 months ago.. For there was (9) Vodka Bottle sitting on his sink empty, when my Aunt found him... SO I could have found one!!!
Hold your head up and your babies close, it is going to be a long ride, but thru the Serenity Prayer and working your program, You will have the support behind you!!!
Love & Prayers to You... Friends in Recovery... One Day at a time... Jozie
I stopped waiting for the call. We call it turning it over. I lived in fear that the ex A would kill someone, go to jail or get so sick he would be hospitalized. I stopped waiting. I had to the waiting was killing me. I understand the resentment absolutley. At the same time personally I had to let go of the A and give him back to his HP. I have no idea how he is alive given the way he drove and what he did to his liver and other organs. Nevertheless he is.
I can understand also the ties, the children (although I don't have children) the home, the bills, the hope that he will get sober. The A who I was with did not have an inkling about sobriety. He was never interested. Alcoholism, drug addiction robbed him of his health everything, that is the disease, cunning baffling and powerful.
I am a nurse, and we are facing a disease that we cannot take care of. We are programmed to heal the sick, and yet this feels worse than any malignancy I could imagine.
Don't let yourself NOT take care of you. That is your job. You will be useless to anyone else if you are not OK.
