The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Can anyone help me please? I left my husband after 25 years of marriage and 3 children ten years ago as I could no longer cope with his drinking. I stopped visiting him when the situation became unbearable and then after a couple of years he was hospitalized with many health problems due to drink. It was expected that he wouldnt live and we made peace. After many months in hospital he was discharged andhelped get him rehoused and offered to help him by doing his shopping and seeing to his paperwork etc as he was no longer in a position to this and is now housebound. I created a new life for myself and developed various interests. I accepted my new life and carried on visiting him twice a week which I still do. Then two years ago without purposefully seeking I met a lovely man and we share many interests. We hope one day to share our lives completely. I practically live with this man and we go on holiday together. He is my best friend and is very understanding of my situation. I can not bring myself to tell my husband - it would I know destroy him and I couldnt bear inflicting pain on him. He is a very meek man and hasnt picked up a drink now for 6 years. I never expected to find myself in this position of deceit. I am a Christian but no longer take Holy Communion. I am unable to finish with my boyfriend as I love him and experience with him how I imagine a relationship of mutual giving should be.
Please can anyone help bring me peace. Has anyone else experienced similar. Despite having gone to many Al-Anon meetings I have never experienced hearing a similar story. Thank you.
Only one of the things I leared about alcoholism was that it isn't a moral issue. Those things that happen as a consequence of the disease are a consequence of the disease and there are many many reactions to what happens.
This program of recovery is spiritual and nothing but. That does not mean that it is religious although practicing and working the steps religiously is what results in peace of mind and serenity.
I feel that your solution is probably in the tool of honesty. Getting honest about me led me to what I needed to change about me. If you want the freedom from fear and guilt bad enough it might be a "next best thing" to do in putting some low priorities on hold and sitting down in the rooms and with a sponsor on the tool and asset of honesty. How would you be feeling at the moment after first using honesty? Changed?
How would you're HP respond to your question? What would you recommend to another woman in the same condition? How much value is there in honesty for you? How important is it? (you hear that question alot in the room of Al-Anon.)
I use to do a lot of "what iffing" when I first got into recovery. I don't ever remember asking "What if she lives thru it?" My journey took a different turn.
As one of my most precious sponsors used to ask me, "what do you do now"?
Keep coming back...there is love, hope and solutions here.
Dear Jerry - thank you for taking time to respond. I have been in Al-Anon for many years apart from a recent lapse and have just returned and requested somebody to sponsor me. I will have my first session next week and will ask to look at the 'honesty' question. At the moment I am in a complete haze regarding not completely living in the light. I ask myself many times how my Higher Power looks on my situation and I ask for guidance. am not sure if what I think I hear deep within is my own justifications for my behaviour or are they my HP's affirmations. After all my HP also loves my separated husband deeply and wouldnt wish to hurt him.
I welcome your comments though on the consequences of alcoholism. You too have given me much food for thought. Thank you.
There is a great Lifetime movie with just about this same story. I can't remember the name of it. Former soap star is in it.... she moves the boyfriend in with her and the ailing hubby.... She can't leave the hubby -- cares and feels obligated, but loves the boyfriend who is wonderful to her and her hubby... can't remember ending, but I am sure it is happy!
