The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Often times we wonder about things, and for some reason thru all this reading I have done on the board today, it has brought back ALOT of times in my life that wasn't so cheerie.. As I think of all times back when I was drinking at a very young age, all the horrible things that happened to me. Not thru my Afathers drinking but thru my own. I would search out Love thru what ever stranger was offering it, and in that, I suppose I was never alone, for there is always someone looking... But in all I was so many other things... Taken advantage of by many, raped, black outs, loss of memory, inner scares that never seem to heal.. I have always been some form of a "Spirtial" person, that happened after lossing some very dear people in my life, and i was reaching to bring them back in my life, and some how realized that tho they are now in heaven, they are still here with me...So i still blame alot of my past on myself, even tho i was but a child when i started drinking at 12... But back then I didn't know my purpose or that there was any such things as "A Glass half full" kinda day... To me it was pretty much gloom thru my teenage years, now don't get me wrong.. I had Good times, but most I don't remember...For I was drunk.. Or on Speed, they were my two drugs of choice..what a combination yea? Drink till ya can't stand and Eat Speed so ya don't miss the end of the party..."that you wont remember anyway".... I have some how, ALWAYS been some form of a surviver.. I don't know how or why, I just know that somehow when I say to myself. "Ok this is the way its going to go down" then thats it...With Speed I didn't know how to ask for help so I simple, Moved...lol... Got away from ALL my Speed friends, moved several states away from 98% of my family, and just quit them cold turkey.. Not easy of course it followed for many weeks, of getting flu, cold, Migrains, couldn't sleep, no energy what so ever, I couldn't even drink soda, or I would crave the Speed... So I had to change alot to make that happen... The drinking I hit head first with every pice of my being... But I never... Didn't pay my bills or work! I would go from the party to the office, with nothing more then brushing my teeth and wiping the sweat of me...If it was a good day, I would leave 10 minutes early and grab a shower...h the memory's we dig up... ;) I started smoking cigs to when I was 11...I am now 9 years next month since I had my last one... Again.. .Just out of the blue, dropped them cold turkey..I again went thru the withdrawls and the colds and all the anxiety that goes along with that habit as well.. They all have something... So now...I can honestly say that I am OK... I am Ok with what happened back then, I am Ok with the Wife, mother, sister, grandmother, aunt, niece, cousin, daughter, friend and person that I am slowly becoming... I use to be ashamed of who I was, because I didn't really know any better...But once I run thru ALL that I have been thru... I guess I'm doing Ok!!! I have a good marriage, a healthy son, and roof over my head and too much food in my belly... Sometimes I think we just need reminded of these things, because when I look back... It is the simple things that I miss the most.. The smiles, the hugs, the kisses... The things that most all of us take for granted sometimes in our lives...Guess I am trying to recognized these things today...
Thanks for letting me Share... One Day at a time.... Jozie
(((((Jozie)))) Thanks for the share.........always good to remember where we come from and be thankful for where we are now. I try to remember that daily...to have no regrets for whatever got me here, to this program....
keeping it simple shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
(((HUGS))) back to all... TLC, thanks for sharing your statement... I hope it see's 15 more...It may just have to do so on my desk... ;) Thanks again.. Good reminder!
