The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As I've said in previous posts I met a woman recently who I felt had potential to be a friend. This week I've learned to hold my boundaries no matter what. She had made an arrangement with a friend of mine who flaked on her. She then called me repeatedly asking me to go get him for her. I didn't do it. Normally I would. Normally I would stand on my head in people pleasing. Normally I would have been stuck in the middle of their problems. This time I opted out. Can't say I like it. I feel virtous in my people pleasing. Having boundaries doesn't necessarily feel noble, or good or in tune with others. I know it feels totally foreign to me.
Well done, takes a bit of doing but its worth it, I just opted out of an assistance, people pleasing number, and am a bit apprehensive but hey, somethings have to be done,
well done! It isn't comfortable to do but I encourage myself by remembering that becoming entangled in others stuff is even more uncomfortable and harder in the long run. I love the slogan to just see what happens.
great share! hugs, ddug
__________________
"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
Hey Mariesie, I always feel really inspired by your posts and I am in a bad place today, having told my AGF I'm not prepared to have her manipulate me and mess me about. Your share has helped me see things a bit more clearly so thanks and big hugs coming your way.
Thanks for the feedback. This stuff is hard going. I do like this woman a great deal. I feel for her. At the same time I'm no longer willing to be overinvolved. My own life takes priority now for the first time in my life.
I can say from personal experience, I know how uncomfortable & foreign it feels but for me, it got better quickly ~ the more boundaries I set & stuck to, the better & freer it got for me. I spent a few months radically making boundaires everywhere I could b/c it was giving me self-esteem and self-respect. With practise it will get better.
Nothing wrong with having friends & liking people, it isn't up to us to solve all of everyone else's problems. Like everything, take it slow, take ur time. Relationships aren't a race ~ that's how I used to act & would try to develop friendships fast but they truly take time to cultivate.
Good for you for putting yourself first! If you dont, no one will.
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
