The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello. I am brand-new to this...I never even heard of Al-Anon until recently. I'm not sure how this all works, but I am in need of some support I suppose. I am married to an alcoholic. We have been married for two years and have a 11 month old daughter. We recently relocated to another state, far away from where I lived most of my life and where all my family lives. My husband is a wonderful and loving man, when he isn't drinking. He realizes he has a problem...or that is what he says...and he has "stopped" drinking "for now." Although, he had another incident last Friday when he went to a business dinner and came home drunk. He is a mean drunk and gets physically violent with me. I don't even know who he is when he is drunk...he is irrational and becomes a different person. I've learned the lesson that I can't be near him when he is drunk, so I left the house before he got home and stayed in a hotel. He regretted his actions the next day and has given up drinking "again." But, he doesn't want to go to AA. I don't understand this disease. I never have dealt with it before. My husband is also bipolar so he has tendencies to anger quickly. I don't think he is addicted to alcohol physically. I guess I really don't understand how this all works. My husband is a successful man and does well in his professional life. He has a lot of emotional struggles though because he went through a very difficult divorce before we met and misses living with his other children. It's been terrible. I love him and want to help him through this, but realize that I need help too. I'm just waiting for the next incident.
Welcome to our family... This is really simple how this works...We all share, and then everyone else added their Experiences, shares and hopes and we are here for one another thru touch times... It is wonderful that you found us and decided to seek out help for yourself... There are wonderful books that you can read that will also explain the disease its self to you a little more, and you will soon be able to live again... "Let Go & Let God" as we like to say...
This is a very... Long... Sometimes Painful... road, but knowing what you have already overcome, at least now you found a place for support... Face to Face Meetings (F2F) are Wonderful if you have any in your area, they are a little extra support on days you just need to Get it out!!! We have meetings on line if you can't get to a meeting... Just check the schedule and hopfully you will join us... You don't have to speak if you don't want too, we are all there just to share our lives, and help one another find our inner being...
I just got here myself around Jan. this year, and it is just a wonderful place to come and listen to others, share and no that you are NOT ALONE, in any of this....
It is time we take care of our selves and realize that "We Are Worth it"...
SO Take it ONE DAY AT A TIME... & Keep Coming Back... It Works if you work it!!!! Friends in Recovery.... Jozie...
I am glad you found MIP and the family. You are already unconditionally loved and welcomed and now the ESH (our Experiences Strengths and Hopes) will start to come out for you. At one time I also was a newbie. I don't know anything about alcoholism myself including what alcoholism mean't. I didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know. I was clueless and had hundreds of others who had started as newbies themselves all around me. I use to try to understand by thinking there were other life events and things that caused my wife to drink the way she did and I never gave a thought to what she was like before we met and what her experiences were. I jumped into a relationship with her thinking that "just because" we were going to have a perfect life. I tended to do that then...don't ask, don't investigate, just jump in because. I know that I wasn't feeling too keen about some of the stuff that was happening in our relationship but then just because she wanted to do it and I over came my reluctance because of that I jumped into it.
Alcoholics are alcoholics and have all kinds of other symptoms that come with the disease. If and when they stop drinking they don't seem to be much different than other normal folk. When they drink life becomes not normal, unatural, crazy.
Anger and rage is only one of the symptoms active alcoholism. Yes other events can trigger anger and rage including alcoholism and the fight for personal control even when personal control is being lost. I haven't met an alcoholic who could maintain reasonable control over their drinking and consequences at the same time.
Anyhow I can only suggest what worked for me. Go to meetings often. It was suggested that I go to 90 meetings in 90 days and where I got into Al-Anon there we enough meetings for me to do that. When there get as much literature about alcoholism the disease and alcoholism and you and the family and read it all. Much of it is free. Sit down and listen with an open mind. Learn the steps and traditions and slogans and the Serenity Prayer. Get phone numbers of others in the room that you can call and touch when your life starts to get shakey. Keep going back and coming back here. There are more suggestions coming along with miracles from working this program.
Keep coming back! Please check out our meetings here online at 9 p.m. every night except Sunday, which is at 7. These are eastern standard times. You will do well to take care of you and the child first, as you already know. Good for you :) wp
((((Gessie)))) I feel your pain, I lived it for many LONG years. I can share my experience with you and you can "take what you like and leave the rest". I married my EX AH when I was 23, he didn't drink at all when we first met, then stopped on the way to our honeymoon and got a bottle. It didn't improve much from there. He would stay sober for a year then WHAM out of left field drink again. Sometimes it would be weeks, sometimes month and sometimes over a year, but he was what we refer to as a dry drunk. He was a VERY mean man and physically and mentally abusive. I had my head put through windshields and walls, was choked unconscious on more occasions than I can count, black eyes, broke nones and broken teeth. He was always so sorry, and for days while I was sipping through a straw because my nerves in my teeth were all exposed, he would bring flowers and apologies, and it ALWAYS happened again....What I can almost guarantee, is that if he is physically violent with you once it will happen again and again. I was lucky to get out alive. But the most damage that was ever done to me was on the inside, and is the reason I am here today. Bruises and broken bones heal-words are harder. BE CAREFUL....Your husband needs to get help and find his way, but YOU have to look out for you and your child. Please keep coming back and please be safe..... Keeping it simple...
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
I hope you keep coming back and get to a face to face meeting if you can. The A's will try to convince you that you don't need them. Alanon is for those who want it not for those who need it.
Good for you for taking care of you and your baby by getting out of there in time.
Welcome aboard, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I am amazed at the quick and personal responses I have gotten from my post. Thank you all for giving of your time to provide me with words of encouragement. I tried to attend a live meeting today but didn't get enough strength to go inside, so I am glad that this online community exists. Maybe soon I will be able to take the next step.
Please don't fear going in to a meeting. We are the people that attend those meetings. You will find just as much sincererity and welcoming there as you did here. Please take that step for yourself and your child. The online meetings are great but since we have to type instead of speak they can seem slow. In an actual meeting it goes much faster, which means you get to hear from more people, absorbing their experiences and what worked best for them. Not only that but you get to connect with people face to face, get real hugs and be a part of something that is truly a place of brother/sisterhood.
Since you are in what can be a abusive situation I have a few suggestions. We like Plan B's around here. A preparation for escape so to speak. *Keep clothes and some essentials in your car's trunk. *Make another car key or put a spare where you can get to it, outside if necessary. *A stash of money if possible * Extras for the baby * Accessable cell phone
Don't be afraid to call the police when he is violent. When he knows that is the consequence he'll get the drift real quick that his behavior won't be tolerated.
Try again with the meeting ok? Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
