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I am soooo at my wits end right now and not sure how to get it together at this point. I am tired,completely and utterly physically exhausted at this point, my house is a nightmare, work is at it's busiest and I can barely concentrate. My son has been really sick since Monday, and I found out yesterday that he has an upper respitory infection, a sinus infection, and possibly streep and asthma. He is now on an inhaler which may become part of his life, and coming from a history of ashmatics that worries me, and for the past 3 days his fever won't go below 100.2...the Dr wants to WAIT to start him on this antibotic as he has had problems with them in the past. I dropped him off with his grandma who is in NO SHAPE to care for herself, let alone a sick kid and here I am at work wondering what it is all about. I'm tired, anxious and worried. I haven't slept since Sunday and can feel the tears right on the edge of overflowing with every single passing minute. I am on the verge of an emotional meltdown and haven't felt this way since break up with EXABF. Whatever I do i just don't feel like it's enough for anyone right now....... I could really use any ESH that is out there this morning. I keep telling myself I am going through what I need to go through and I am right where HP wants me to be, but I am really just about to give up......... thanks for listening shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Have you got any sick days? Being so tired you cry qualifies as sick enough to legitimately take one.
Even if you feel you just have to pick child up & take him home with you before you get yourself some sleep (which, by the way, you need in order to be able to take care of him), try setting your clock for about an hour an a half to two hours (the body supposedly sleeps best in 90-minute increments) and SLEEP. Your mommy alert will wake you if he calls you. Get him in the same room with you if you have to, but get some sleep.
Whether or not he's going to have to carry an inhaler qualifies as one of those things you can't control. If he does, then you'll teach him about it. It will be okay. Meantime, mentally hand him to his HP, wrapped in a cozy blankie, and then hand yourself up too.
((((shelly)))) having 3 kids, I've been there, done that, got the t-shirt and the coffee mug.
Thinkstoomuch is right on - if you can take some sick time for yourself, do so and recharge YOUR batteries. Snuggle up with your baby and get some rest. You'll both feel better soon.
Kids are amazing creatures - very resilient and lots more capable than we give them credit for. If he ends up needing to carry an inhaler - he'll do it. It is what it is, right?
Thanks for the input Thinkstomuch and blendergirl, I appreciate it. I would love to be able to take some sick time, but unfortunately I am also in the process of my son going into braces, so I am having to leave early, come in late or take off altogether more than I should already so I am struggling to be here now. I know this too shall pass, I am just worn and very emotional right now. shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Well, when I get to that place of being absolutely overwhelmed, I have to just surrender. I can't give up. I have 3 kids who only have me. If I gave up, the would have no one. I am not talking about killing myself or anything, just going to bed, pulling the covers over my head and not dealing with my life anymore.
So, I have to surrender to the chaos. I let it all go to HP and bring the focus right back to what I can do about it. I have no power to heal the sick. I have no power to stop the world from turning or reverse time. I do have the power to get through my job, just for today, if it's what I need to do. I have the power to pick up my kids and go home and snuggle on the couch and veg infront of a movie. Tomorrow will come no matter what. I don't have to worry about it if I choose not to. Just for today. Maybe I will think about all that tomorrow. Maybe not.
Take care of you. Take care of your kid. Anything beyond that is frosting.
Shelly...you got a sponsor yet? If not this is one of those times when a good sponsor is more valuable than gold. You know that you can't do it alone so there fore you have HP, Grandma, Al-Anon and MIP. Those are some very good gratitute tools and one more large tool is a good sponsor. For me there is no way of doing this alone at anytime.
Turn it over for the second, minute, hour, work time, day time, night time, day.
I've had days like that. As a codependent, I lose my "emotional sobriety" when I let fear run my life. (My biggest character defect) I fall to the floor sobbing, sometimes in the fetal position, fearing all the terrible things that might happen. Or, I stay in bed all day, paralyzed by my fears. Is that behavior not similar to an alcoholic who's too much to drink??!!!
Steps 1, 2 and 3 remind me that I can't, God can, and I think I'll let him. I gotta keep going back to those first three steps every day!!!
Your post also reminds me of HALT. If you're tired, you need rest. You MUST take care of YOU first. I hope you can do that tonight. Lately, I've been using a visualization when I climb into bed. As I focus on my breath (and HP's presence) I picture my loved ones surrounded by bright white light, (purple light for the relationships that aren't so good... like my exAH) I've been sleeping like a baby! Whatever works for you, I hope you get some rest. (((hugs)))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Sleep deprivation can cause insanity and complete mental breakdown. I personally am very very sensitive to the affects of sleep deprivation. I envy those who can go without a lot of rest. But for me, I know when i am feeling cranky, weepy, irritated, on the verge of an emotional meltdown, it is most always due to needing rest.
When I get the rest I need, the situation always looks different and I am always much more capable to cope with it.
It is good that you can recognize that your having not slept well for several nights is a contributing factor in how you are feeling. I hope you get the rest that you need so that you can feel better with your situation. It is so difficult when our kids are sick. Hang in there.
Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but gets you nowhere.
If your son is under the doctor's care and doesn't show any signs of fever, etc., let the medicine take its course. If he worsens, then bring him back. In the meantime, worry will rob you of today while worrying about tomorrow.
I have had surgery recently myself and it's hard for me to be patient while I heal. But like everything else in my life, it's in God's time, not mine. In the meantime, I try to do something good for myself.
I like the suggestion of taking a family sick day if you can. Let the house go friend, housework, laundry, cooking, dishes are forever and ever and in the big scheme of things don't really matter.
I hope this helps, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Thank you sooo much MIP family for the love and support. I think I fell into a coma last night and woke up feeling a bit more stable. My son is still at home with a fever but is feeling better in some aspects so I am very thankful for that.......We are just going to do it one day at a time:)
Love to you all keeping it simple shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
