The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I know in my head I have to let go move on with my life. I have made the decision in my logical brain that I have to love me and end this relationship let my ex ab face the consequences of his decisions and respect him enough to let him fix himself. I intended to tell him all this but he is low really low lost evrything. But I have to do it he rings full of self pity, I try to be kind and have put off again doing what is right for me and ending it because he is talking about ending it all. I know this is a form of his illness and I know he is manipulating me. I tell him I care but carnt help him he has to be strong sort self out. If I look after me and end this the guilt is so strong and the what ifs are haunting me. But I carnt put my life on hold anymore because he wont get help. I am powerless want to take care of me.
Typing this to try and understand thoughts. Spoke to my sponsore know what I need to do but fear is engulfing me.
You are in a dificult situation and I hear your pain. Try to take deep breaths and repeat the serenity prayer over an over.
You know that the most loving thing you can do for your boyfriend is to give him the dignity to live his life as he chooses. His choices have left him few options except to cling to your relationship, seek help or continue doing what he is doing and we all know the end result of that. This is where program calls and meetings really help
The slogan Live and Let Live comes to mind. I was always good at letting others Live their Lives but had a difficult time in claiming mine and Living it. Al-Anon taught me that I was powerless over others so I was responsible to live my life taking care of my needs.
Trust your inner voice and take the next right action one day or one moment at a time.
Turn your BF over to HP and pray that HP's will be done.
Gosh that brought back memories for me. One of the many many things I learned in program that I might try to change was my black and white thinking such as the relationship was hurting and rather than end it; I would alter it...change it instead of trying to make it disappear without a trace. I like the altering better than ending today because of the shadow of hope it leaves me.
Let it go and let your HP have it. HP changes things while you change yourself.
I couldn't have said it better myself about my own situation with my AH, "I Know in my head I have to let go and move on with my life". My AH left on Valentines eve, as a response to my 11 year old daughter asking him to leave. The thing was I had been asking him to leave for some time now and he wouldn't leave. I didn't say anything when she asked him to leave and he left. I didn't feel guilty about that, I was relieved that he left. Now he has started calling and wanting to try to work on the relationship again, mostly I think he just wants a sexual outlet and I'm not comfortable with that. I've set boundaries, one of which he needed to get a job and he hasn't even attempted to do that. He is a dry drunk that is very manipulative and controling and the attempt to continue that even though he isn't in the house anymore hasn't quit. He called three times last night while I was at my f2f meeting and questioned my daughter about where I was at. I feel myself weakening and I'm glad I read your post because it reminds me where I need to be....setting boundaries with him and not getting sucked back into the same old, same old. Thanks for the reminder.
