The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The therapist is very familiar with and supportive of Al-anon.
Yesterday was my third session and it felt like it's dredging up 100 resentments and hurts I thought I'd gotten past with Al-anon help. I feel like Al-anon is all about moving on. Just for today. Etc. Etc.
But after yesterday's session: Boom! There goes my serenity.
Sometimes we may deal or cope with things by accepting they happened, and trying to get passed them but I have found that this stuff doesn't just "go away" until I get into the dirty work of actual forgiveness. It is painful to go through but liberating & freeing at the other side.
Over the years I've had all sorts of memories come up to the surface and it still happens, even though I've been in recovery & had a lot of therapy over the years. I guess it bubbles up when we are able to truly deal with them.
I had to take individual sitatuions and forgive things memory by memory. I did it with a lot of soul searching & prayer work. I even found that when I had to forgive someone else for hurting me - I had to forgive myself for being human & getting hurt in the first place.
I am trying to forgive some things my step-dad did that I'm having a hard time letting go of. I do relize, however, that I will stay tied to my abusers & an abusive past, as long as I do not fogive and free myself.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I too have those moments... We all do, were things are great and ya get there, and the next minute someone or something just takes the wind out of your sails...It is all apart of the process! In order for us to get were we need to be, we have to drudge up old things, just as Kitty said... It isn't always an easy process, that is why we remind each other often...Just go at it...One Day At A Time!!! It will get better, just allow yourself to move thru it...
Keep coming back.. It works if you work it!!! Jozie...
I do not think that therapy undermines al-anon (IN MY OPINION). A significant part of MY serenity (this is MY ESH, take what you would like and leave the rest) is based on learning to have extremely strong feelings and riding these waves w/o freaking out, doing or saying something or making some rash decision or choice or spouting off, etc. etc. I definitely learned plenty about this in therapy AND in al-anon. I needed and still need both for support in this.
If you are "losing" your serenity in your therapy, I suggest that you take a very close look at what knocked you off your cloud instead of questioning the therapy. The therapy is simply the messenger (or method), in my humble opinion.
Therapists, if they are good ones, will challenge you and confront you- in a wide variety of styles as each one is as different as the next. This is their job- and you pay good money for this service! Jean
There is a ton of difference twix clinical based counseling or client/patient/ counselor therapy and "social model therapy" (Al-Anon/group/shared experiences). My counselor hated my Al-Anon attendance for several reasons (most personal) and came to feel threatened by my client/patient I'll learn what you know attitude. He even told me once to go make a loan for $60K and go get my own degree and license...LOL. He was helpful at times along with the Al-Anon attendance and I learned stuff with him I never would have in a face to face meeting alone. Our program is spiritual based and the other for me is psyche based...dealing only with my thoughts and emotions.
Anyhow...attendance is an option for both. Take what you like and leave the rest.
PS. I've had 3 different counselors off and on over the past 30 years and only one program. I'd much rather have a person who has walked in my shoes describe the scenery than one who rarely if ever shares "How they feel/felt about what I've/we've been through."
Thanks for your support everybody! Especially Jerry- I don't think I could handle a therapist who was hostile to Al-anon. Though eventually maybe it'd be good for me- who knows?
Well, HP stepped in because today's Hope For Today addressed my concerns exactly. I don't have family and Al-Anon friends telling me to stop obsessing- in fact everyone's said therapy seems like a good idea- but I guess I heard so often about "look back without staring," and "one day at a time" and all that that what I took away from it was that any analysis that brought up old resentments meant I was Doing It Wrong. S
Oops. It's tomorrow's. I got my dates mixed up. More HP? LOL. Typos are all mine, of course.
Feb 21
It took me a long time to admit that I dad experienced some horrible things as a child growing up in a family affected alcoholism. In Al-Anon I found a safe place to remember the pain and to face it. As I began to accept the truth about my past by writing in my journal and talking about my memories, some members of my family suggested I stop what they concidered excessive reflection and let bygones be bygones. Even a few well-intentioned members of Al-Anon asked whether I couldn't live just one day at a time. Yet as long as I hid from the emotional realities of my history, its unresolved poisons seeped into each new day. To live fully in today, I had to come to terms with yesterday's circumstance as well as my reactions to them. Facing the feelings I had stored since childhood didn't change the facts of what happened, but it did change my emotional climate. Because my good memories didn't have to compete so hard with the bad ones, they began to unfold in my consciousness. Now I'm free to move forward and to take responsibitlity for the attitudinal and emotional responses I choose today. As I make new and better choices and allow my Higher Power to guide me in making them, those awful events of the past become a much smaller part of who I am today.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Facing the worse of my past opens the door to remembering the best of it, too, creating room for serenity, wonder, and joy in my life.
"Denial is broken when we quit hoping for a better past, accept the reality of that past, and set aobut creating a different present." From Survival to Recovery, p. 68
I wanted to stop obsessing more than enything. But like anything, u dont get results by "not doing something" rather, it comes when u do something else positive - I have found.
Like I used to let fear & anxiety run my life - I replaced that by focusing on gratitude.
The way obsessing stopped for me, was I began to focus on *me* and no one else. Once a thought popped in about someone else's feelings or mental attitude, I promptly focused on me again & the other thoughts stopped. It did take some time but it gets easier (like all things w/ practise) and in time, it mostly stopped all together. I can feel the difference, so I have contrast now & I can choose what to focus on.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
