The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm feeling raw, like I want to cry all of the time. A piece of me wants to just go to sleep and not talk to anyone, while another piece of me is angry and wants to scream at anyone who will listen. I feel sad, and angry, and disgusted all at once.
And most of all I feel alone, because my friends and boyfriend don't understand. And although my mom and my little brother understand at least partially how I feel, I am so afraid that all our relationships will ever be is talking about my father, and being sad, and being angry at him together.
I'm full of feelings that I can't even identify, and honestly it's making my current live-in relationship very difficult. I know my boyfriend cares about me very much, but he doesn't understand alcoholism at all. I even think there is a piece of him who can relate to my dad and thinks my feelings are overly dramatic. And my fuse is so short that I'm picking fights. I can see it after-the-fact.
Keep posting, Its a hard time and I know what you mean when you say it revolves around the A, it sure does, but you have to keep the focus on you, do something for you, you have no control over this,it is difficult when those around us do not understand or have as much awareness, give it time, it will come, give yourself a chance.
(((SMLLFRY)))) Keep posting here, and that will help. I also found for me that when I finally started going to f2f meetings I was personally amazed at how much better I felt afterward. Remember the serenity prayer.......Accept the things we can not change,and courage to change the things we can. Keep the focus on YOU where it should be and please keep coming back trying to keep it simple shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Helo smllfry , have u recently lost your dad ? am sorry u are hving a riough time please find an Al-Anon meeting u will find answers there . u need support from people who understand how yur feeling and u will find solutions for your dilema . hang in there feel the feelings then let go . Louise
We all found this place because we too just needed someone to understand, So you are at the right place...Keep coming back and keep posting because all the feeling you are having someone here has also had that same feeling or very close... "It works if ya work it"
Not so small fry today, making it here makes you head and shoulders taller. WELL DONE.
I identify with ALL of your feelings, truly, been there done that got the t-shirt. And right now my daughter is going through these feelings too. She has been struggling all her life because of her AF and the last 10-15 have been horrendous as she has felt her life will NEVER get any better.
You sound depressed, I wonder if you have talked to anyone outside of this family about that?
Going to face to face meetings of Al-anon, if that is possible, would be a wonderful support for you. You will find Al-anon in your telephone directory...as I am not American...I will leave others to fill in the detail. Please go to meetings if you are able, it will be good and pick up the literature and read, read, read. Real hugs too, not just cyber hugs, which by the way I survive on as I am not able to go to meetings.
That apart, NOTHING you have described is new here - so many of this family will tell you they have been there and experienced such as you and have come through. It is a hard battle but you are on your way to recovery here and now.
Remember a journey of a 1000 miles (which may seen utterly impossible) begins with ONE SMALL STEP, followed by another, and another, and another.
So one small step at a time. You have found this wonderful family, you will never be alone again.
Thank you for having the courage to share for it is in the sharing that we ALL benefit and become the people we are meant to be. Sharing common hurts, deep pain, dependencies on others that have not been healthy, learning to take control of US and change ME (as in you - oneself) and not anyone else.
We learn to look at the things we can change and accept the things we cannot - and the reward we find a life we CAN live and WANT to live, ONE DAY AT A TIME.
Keep coming back we love you already, you are one of our own.
Suzannah
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
