I met a woman recently who I hope to make a friend as we have a lot of similar issues.  There is so much difference in becoming a friend in recovery from codpendence rather than in total denial and hell bent on getting my needs met. First of all I don't submerge her in love bombing, secondly I don't talk to her for hours every day, thirdly I don't presume I know her.

I went out about most relationships like gang busters in my life and then wondered why they didn't work.  I wondered why people who I presumed I knew everythng about turned on me or had issues, or needed a little space.

I've been working with my therapist on finding emotional and physical space.  These days I find it pretty difficult to look at it.  My emotional needs overpowered everything before.  If I was lonely I thought nothing of talking for hours on the phone.  I regularly demanded my friends took care of me.  These days  I make requests rather than demands.  Sometimes those requests aren't heard.  If one of my demands wasn't met in the past I regularly manipulated others to get my needs met.  Now I own my needs and work on them.  I'm certainly lonely and isolated but I'm boundaries.  I always complained that other people didn't respect my boundaries but I only brought them in when things were bad.  Now I'm going into relationships boundaries its a much slower process.  There is also a realization its going to be a long long job for me to get a good support system in place and a social life with boundaries too.  At the same time, this way I get to have dignity, not be overwhelmed and be clear about what I will and won't do.

Maresie.