The material presented
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level.
Hi all! I'm new to this group sadly not to the disease. I did belong to another online group but they have changed providers and don't like it now. For me it's the start of race season and the start of mayhem. My fiance of 6 years and 2 children together is an alcoholic, he knows he's an alcoholic and knows all the problems it has brought to our relationship. Like so many others, when he is sober he is wonderful you couldn't ask for a better person. When he drinks (on weekends) he tries to control it (doesn't realize it's controlling him) for a long time now he has been OK but he has that other pesonality that (when he drinks) is always lurking around waiting to come out. He can be nasty mean verbally to me. I don't allow it anymore when he is home, if he starts he has to stop or he has to leave or I will leave with the kids. So now when he drinks he is very careful about his behavior when he is here. He has had 2 dui's in the past (been almost 10 years) and still on occasion gets behind the wheel when he shouldn't (I don't go get him anymore not my job) I always tell him to stay put for the night most of the time he listens. Any how race season is huge for him and he left here at 12:15 and of course called and said he was going to see if a friend was home and no word since so my anxiety is up and I am trying to follow the mind my business and let him make his own choices routine and today it's hardet than usual. I will keep trying and go about my day. Thanks for listening Holly.
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You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.
Actully for me it's not that cut and dry. I know all about the disease my dad was an A for the first 15 yrs of my life and sober and in AA for the last 21 yrs. He passed away last June, he was my godsend when it came to this relationship I'm in. He made me understand a lot of things about it and the one thing he stressed is that no one can tell me I should stay or go because if is not entirely my choice as to weather I stay or go I won't be at peace with it. My A always makes time for me and the kids whether it's my suggestion or his. We had a nice Valentine's day yesterday. Got each other chocolates and he got me a card (never does) and we spent the day shopping and went out to eat (no kids). So for me it's not that cut and dry. I saw my dad make the decision to be a better man and change so I know it is possible. I don't know if my A will ever decide to get help , I just know that right now I choose to stay, and enforce my boundires. I'm just glad to know I'm not alone. Holly
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You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.
((((HOLLY)))) Well we all have our story's, and thats a fact, My Father Was also an A, I lost him last Nov. to alcoholicism... SO I know first hand the ones that don't get to were your father was... I know you seen your father make that choice and change his life and thats great...But just don't set your hope up that the A in you life will do the same... I wish you luck that you can live a life that is happy for you and your children and think it is great that you don't allow it around your kids that is the main thing...
So keep coming back, because with out this place i Don't truly know were I would be since I lost my father a couple months ago... This program has given me reason to get MY LIFE BACK... Not the life of my A....
Don't get me wrong, I know it is completely up to him to get help and for his sake some day I hope he does in the mean time I know I can go if I choose. I know I have a bottom just like him. Through Alanon I am learning to take care of me and the kids and I know he is not my responsibility. Some choose to stay with the A's in their life and some choose to leave. Right now I choose to stay and try to focus on me, in all reality I know that may not be the case some day. Just taking it one day at a time. Holly
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You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.
Holly I chose to stay for a long long time. I do think that alan on helped me a great deal. I'm not sure I would agree with your Dad we do indeed have a choice to stay or leave. Sometimes even the thought of leaving can be hard going. Nevertheless some people get worse and some don't. There are indeed people here on the board who stayed and their A's got better and there are those who left and the A's didn't get better.
I felt for a long long time I owed it to myself to stay. I overstayed and instead recommitted to the extent that I boxed myself into a corner.
Now my commitments are carefully measured. I am no longer over committed to anyone but to myself.
Your story about your current alcoholic and your Dad are pretty common in recovery. I'm glad you have had the experiences of both and I am glad you have the experience of the Al-Anon Family Groups. That is the one and only experience I can identify with that has worked in my life and for which I am entirely grateful.
Get into the rooms as often as you can and listen, listen, listen then practice, practice, practice. Get a HP and sponsor who are both more experience and powerful than yourself and keep coming back. (((((hugs)))))
You are in the right place. It does sound as if you have a great grasp of alanon and AA principles. Alanon will ofer you tools to use when you begin to feel anxious and upset. Please come here often and share. We will try to respond with our ESH and grow together. This is a we program Please try to atten some face to face meetings and obtain liturature. Meetings and using some of the simple tools can change your life Please keep coming back
Hi Holly - Toby Rice Drews, author of the Getting Them Sober series of books, has a great saying.... "nobody has the right to tell you to leave, not even your counsellor". I think you've come to the right place, and are asking (yourself and others) the right questions.... Getting ourselves healthy first, is the key...
Take care,
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
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