The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I really do not know what to start with first. All i know is that I have no one to talk to and it is really my fault. I need to vent some where safe and to people who might understand. this is going to be long and I apologize if this is not how it works. I just googles online support for alcoholic family members and this is what I got.
I will start at the begining. I have known my husband since I was 12 years old. (Sorry I should stop and let you all know now that we are not legally married, but we have been together for 10 years and have 5 children. 4 biologically his) We were friends only for the longest time. We used to party together and hang out. Then I lost contact with him and the rest of my friends when I was 18. ( I had my oldest child then) We started hanging out again. It was like old times. Partying and just hanging out. I should have realized then that he was an A, but I was so infatuated with him I just did not let myself see it. Things moved fast and my daughter and I moved in with him about 8 months after we stated dating. I soon realized how bad his drinking was. And I just made excuses for him. "he is young and still likes to party"(we were 21 then) then in dec I got preg with my 2nd child. and his drinking got worse. But he kept telling me he wanted to change and be a better person.
I am goingto cut it short. He has not changed. he has had 4 duis well tech 2 because 2 different times the police officers did not want to deal with it and gave him a ticket for wreckless driving and sent him home via tow trcuk. He has totaled one of my vehicels and almost got another impounded for good. He does get sober for small periods of times and has all these plans to sober up, but I am always disapointed when he doesn't follow through. About a 2 years ago he almost died to so a damaged spleen. And that night we got into a huge fight(him being drunk again) and when he started calling me for help at 5 am I pretended to be sleeping because I did not want to deal with him and all of his drama at the time. he was indeed in need of help he had lost what seemed like all of his blood( his hemoglobin was at a 3 when he was admitteed) He has pacreatitis and was told that if continued to drink he would die. and yet he still drinks and actually does not believe it is from drinking.
I have gone through this for ten years now and I have put my children though this. He is not physically abusive, but he is sometimes verbally abusive. I am on the verge of leaving, but with five kids I do not know if I can. I do love him, but I am now broken and I do not know how to fix my self.
Sorry for it being so long. and kind of rambleing (it is 2:30 am) there is so much more, but I must be off. I am being beckoned by on of my hungry children (4 months old)
I really hope I come back here and maybe hopfully can start to fix myself again.
You have come to the right place mag to find yourself. And you are not so lost that you have been found. Your higher power brought you to this place. Al-anon is for friends and families of alcoholics and we too have been where you are. We were lonely and frustrated and at the end of our ropes. One thing we learn here are the three C's we can't control the drinking, didn't cause it and can't cure it. The amazing fact is as we get better in our program, the alcoholic often choses to find help for himself, when we take ourselves out of the picture and try to quit fixing them. We can only fix ourselves and whether we chose to stay with the alcoholic or not there is help for us here in this room and in the rooms of al-anon. Try our on-line meetings and a good face to face meeting close to you to if you can. They will be of great encouragement to you in your journey to fix yourself. Thanks for coming into this room. Hope this helps. Java
Mag you are definatley in the right place my boyfriend is an A, I could have written your post myself. the best thing I have found about this site is that the people really understand they do not judge you or tell you what to do. What I have recieved through alanon is love, friendship and support.
I have learnt that my A is not a nasty person but suffers from a nasty illness. I have also learnt that I am not a victim and that I have choices and that it is o.k to love me. I have children too that is one of the main reasons I keep coming back here because I have to be emtionally healthy to take care of them. I could go on for hours an hours about what I have learnt and how my life has changed for the better due to alanon, but I couldnt fit it all in one post.
All I will say is they have a saying come to six meetings and listen if its not for you , you can have your misery back. I didnt want anymore misery so I kept comin back and my misery is starting to vanish
Mag, you are in the right place. Glad you are reaching out for help. Isolating is part of the role of alcoholism and codependency. Yes, alcoholism will end in death -- even if your AH doesn't believe it. The first thing we learn and admit is we are powerless over alcohol... powerless over the alcoholic, powerless over anything but ourselves. You may end up deciding you need to leave -- you may not. But you are on the right path to taking care of yourself and your children. Other people here have recommended the book, Getting Him Sober -- someone is offering it free here... get it and read it, if nothing else! Learn about alcoholism. It is a progressive disease. So, things will get worse unless he stops drinking and gets help, but you can't make him go, you can only set limits and boundaries for yourself. See a counselor -- I found one by Googling and got to a Psychology Today search and found a great one that specializes in addictions. Hugs, db55
Welcome. I am a Mom too. I know how scary and hard it can be to contemplate life altering decisions like this. Being part of this board has really helped me along the way of putting myself back together and putting my life back together. The people here are wonderful. You've come to the right place.
Welcome this is a great place to start. Al anon can provide you with lots and lots of tools that can help you. Certainly everyone here is wise, empathic and kind. If you have time (and I'm not sure you can with 5 kids) get a hold of the book Getting them Sober (it is available at the top of this page). That is a great resource.
Welcome. When you want to start learning some of the ways al anon can help you speak up.
I won't try to add to what some of the other members have passed on to you free of charge other than to express my own welcome. MIP is a 24/7 kind of program...always available just like the Family Groups. Continue to reach out here for help. If you don't the problem gets worse. I would not wish that on my worse enemy or a stranger.
