Woke up this morning dreading the facing of this day in particular-Valentine's Day.  YUCKKK!!!  It was this day last year that I came to a place in my life that I  believed I was capable of finally letting someone into my and my son's life, capable of giving by boyfriend at the time a fair chance.  I realize now that I wasn't even close to that, but I was falling in love with him, and thought that he could "fix" me and all my hang ups.
Dreading the day ahead, and forcing myself to remember that I only have to do it One Day at a Time.... I went downstairs to be greeted by my son.  I wished him a Happy Valentine's Day (half heartedly), and he responded with a "guess you didn't get nothing for Valentine's Day huh?" ( my mind drifted back to a Lab stepping stone that meant more to me than anything and wondered what ever became of it...and stuffed frogs....gifts of the past. ) I avoided his question and went about my routine.
 Avoiding my daily readers that I ususally read first thing every morning (as I was certain all  they would say was "love yourself on this glorious day, yada yada yada"), I thought about the frog again and how symbolic that had been to me, and headed up for a bubble bath.  Surely hot chocolate bubble bath would solve it all:)
I came back downstairs afterward and decided that I had not skipped my daily readers since starting my program and this was not the day to start. Somehow I would muddle through yet another holiday, and survive, after all "it is just another day", or so everyone kept telling me-of course I thought to myself~"all of you people are spending it with the one you love,  everything is simple and not confusing in your life right now."
I sat down and opened up my Courage to Change, today's devotion follows:
February 14th~
Confusion can be a gift from God. Looking back on instances when I felt desperately in need of an immediate solution, I can often see that I wasn't ready to act. When I became fully ready, the information was there for the taking.
When I know to much about my options before the time is right to exercise those options, I tend to use the information only to drive myself crazy.That's why today when I feel confused I try to consider it grace. It may not be time for me to act yet.
I think of dealing with confusion like cooking. If the bread isn't done, I don't take it out of the oven and insist it's time to eat. I let it finish baking. If a clear solution to the problem hasn't shown itself yet, I can trust that it will appear when the time is right.
So contrary to what my son said,  I did get a gift-lol... the gift of confusion....of stepping stones, stuffed frogs and more waiting on the time to be right...More time to just be still and trust.  I have faith and do trust in His will for me, and He and I both know where that will leads:), but I don't have the patience I need.
While contemplating all of this and wanting nothing more than to crawl back into my flannel pj's and flannel sheets with some cake and ice cream:), I walked into the kitchen for some aspirin, as I could feel the headache starting already.  I unzipped my purse and found there inside a little box wrapped in the brightest colored paper......I opened it and was speechless at what I found....in the box was a shiny silver ring with the words One Day at a Time engraved on it, and on the inside of the band was the Serenity Prayer. What a suprise!!!!
 As the tears started to fall I realized that I am truly blessed with so many wonderful friends in this life and this program.  I sometimes forget how far I have come,  as life has a way of distracting us all at times, but they pull me up and continue to remind me that I am good enough, that what I have to offer is good enough and that I am a wonderful person and should love and be proud of myself and the work I am doing.
I had to stop for a bit and let it all sink in, HP as always was right there by my side, knew what I was feeling and knew what I needed....and once again He pulled me back up on my feet to face another day...One day at a time....
What a truly wonderful gift I've been given....the gift of serenity.