The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi everyone havent been on here in a while but I have internet access again at home so will be visiting when ever I can get kids of the computer. Quick overview was married to a compulive gambler for 17 years single for a year then started relationship with my AB. I have never experienced anything like the craziness of this disease. I ahve been in ala anon for 15 month. I have grown so much and I am trying so hard to get out of this nightmare. But my own distorted beliefs do the dance with the a's addiction.
As I have been getting stronger have made progression no longer live with the A. He hasnt contacted me for 2 an a half weeks cause has broke promises again. I have had a roller coaster of emtions but getting healthier by the day always do when he is not around.
Last night the subject in my meeting was people pleasing when I shared I got really upset when I recalled all the people in my life I have put before ME. I am slowly identifying just how sick I am. I have to never speak to him again. Its made I am tryin to help him an I am just as bad. I really get it now I never loved me and was wanting him to fill the gap. I am now going to create the life I want mould my clay, love me. If I slip when he gets in touch its o.k as long as I stay in Alnon I know oneday I will be free.
Thanks for sharing Tracy.like you I've never learned to love me and have always had to have someone to fill the gap......It never ceases to amaze me the depth of this illness.....
Keep coming back~ shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
You know a few years ago I read the book on People Pleasing by Harriet Braiker. I have to say its taken me years and years to work through the people pleasing issue. The behavior is so insidious for me. There are also excellent texts by Pia Melody on this subject.
Certainly we all have the right to be angry that we have behaved in ways that are hurtful. At the same time for me personally I have to be very careful to put down that stick. Beating myself up reinforces those behaviors for me.
The issue is that you have identified this behavior and you can now change. That's huge. Few few people make changes in their lives. I am so proud you are doing that for yourself.
