The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm new to this site, having just done a google search for an online Al Anon support group. I find myself here because I could really use some support for what I've been dealing with and have no one IRL that I can talk to about it.
My husband is an alcoholic/addict. His general pattern is to use, go to AA, get some clean time, stop the meetings - repeat. The amount of clean time varies - sometimes up to 2 years even before he blows it. What I am going to say wouldn't have the same effect if I didn't tell you - this past November I gave birth to twin sons. I was only 28 weeks along when I delivered and I've had a long, hard NICU roller coaster ride ever since. My oldest son has had the most complications - has already had one surgery and we're waiting to hear when another will be done. My youngest son has been home since Jan. 19. Life is crazy - so the last thing I needed was for my husband to go out Saturday night and smoke $500 in crack. I should also mention that I was 4 months along when my position was eliminated so I'm not currently employed and am having trouble going back to work right now.
I'm devastated. Angry. Hurt. I've never felt this way before, and even though I know better, I can't believe he did this to me. Honestly my heart can't take anymore and I'm not dealing with this well. Sunday I wouldn't let him home - we also have a 4 year old and I didn't want her seeing him like that. Monday morning I took the dog to the vet because he fractured his foot and then I had to let him back. I just couldn't care for my daughter, my son, and deal with the dog.
I don't know why I stay with him - I really don't think he loves me, and I'm not sure I love him anymore. He repulses me anymore and I can't even stand to look at him. He's not very nice to me - is even cruel to our daughter - very self absorbed and one of the most selfish people I've ever met. If my family and friends knew all this they'd think I was nuts for staying with him - I think they're right. I've talked to his mother about it some, which was a mistake - his father is an alcoholic and his sister is way bad off. When I talk to her she tells me to deal with it, it's what I married, then reminds me how bad her life of dealing with this is. I disagree, I don't have to deal with it - I just don't know why I do.
Is this the right place for this or do I seriously need a shrink??
Totally, completely and absolutely the right place. I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I was married to a crack addict also. You are doing the best you can with what you've got. Now that you have alanon you will start to get better. I imagine it would be hard for you, but if you can get to a face to face meeting that will help. Check out the meetings here in the chat room.
Just keep coming back, it will all become clear to you in time.
Hello half your exactly where u need to be but adding a shrink wouldnt hurt either our program and councelling work great together, with your little ones i'ts probably very diff to get to a meeting , we have meetings here every day 9am and pm eastern time they will help and our chat is open 24 - hope to meet u soon . focus on your and babbies needs there is nothing u can do about him . Come here talk to people who understand talking to his mom is a waste of time , she settled you don't have to . Louise
((((((HalfAngel))))) My heart goes out to you and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers....The best ESH I can offer is to take care of u and your children first and foremost-which it sounds like you are, and try to get to a F2F meeting if you can (I know with children that is easier said than done)...if you can't we have meetings here online. Keep coming back, posting and talking and get some literature to start on...... This is a remarkable journey and CAN change your life.......it really does work if you work it~ Keeping it simple shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
There is a book available at the top of the page,Getting them Sober. I think that really helps in learning to detach.
Of course you are overloaded, anyone would be with what you have to deal with! I felt on continual overload day in day out dealing with the ex A. I think personally crack is one of the most addictive drugs ever.
The issue is to take care of you as best you can while you sort all this out. No one here is going to lambast you, tell you to leave him, tell you what to do period. This is a great place to come, upload, learn new skills, detachment, self care and more.
I had lots of times with the ex A when I took him back, took on anger, guilt, resentment that was very very hard to let go of. Many many people have been in a version of your shoes. No one here is going to judge you, label you, tell you what to do in any way shape or form. Nevertheless there are tools you can use, this is a place you can be "heard" this a place you can watch other people recover and think about what your options are.
i know for me even today I don't like many of my options but I do have them. I try to exercise them daily. I am also very much into self care today because I just couldn't go on with the self neglect any more.
