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Brother went on bender sunday night, high as a kite, fell broke his wrist, looks in bad shape from second hand accounts, lost the phone I got him, I owe him 30 euro so am thinking that I should get him replacement which he wants and tell him that I used money owed, fair enough isn't it, Teenage son giving me grief, tormenting the neighbours and being obnoxious, want to have an adult talk with me this evening, am praying to hp for patience.
I am so sorry that you are having additional stress while you are still dealing with a recent death in the family and the fall out.
You are doing the right thing by praying for patience and guidance. Trust that your HP will give you the words for your son and direct your actions toward your A brother.
Remember one day, one moment at a time. My prayers are with you.
I was told when my father started to physically deteriorate that this was the best thing for him. Now, at the time, i thought that this was so incredibly cold and heartless. But what it did was it took me out of the equation: now my father was suffering consequences by his own making. He couldn't blame me for his behavior and his suffering. He had to look at how he was behaving and creating pain. Now it didn't keep him from drinking, but it did relieve me of the feeling of "I'm responsible for my father" and it allowed me to look at his behavior more objectively
I can only give you my ESH. My knee jerk response is always to rush in and caretake. Sometimes I have to wait to be asked. I want to "fix" and I know where that got me. So these days I may have the urge but I don't act on it as much or if at all. If I postpone it I generally end up not doing it and then I don't feel like I need to. Do you really need to rush in and "fix" him with the phone. Maybe he needs to be without a phone for a while. Of course you don't want to have the money you owe him to go drugs either!
I am sorry your son is acting up.
I know for me often life is if one more thing happens and it does. There is peace at some point, the cascade does stop.
Take care of you. You have had a long hard haul these past few months. Hope the dog is working out for you.
We're up to date on the brother and the teenage son...Hows marire rua doing? You're in Ireland which is a little bit o Heaven and you got program. Saint Paddy got all the snakes into the sea and your shamrocks have 4 leaves rather than 3. LOL I picture myself there and just sit back and smile.
I am confused though regarding a teenaged son wanting to have an "adult" conversation with you. Might want to qualify him before that happens. If he hasn't got as much time being an adult as you have it might be wasted time. Maybe you can talk to him about what it was like when you were a teen. Lots of similarities there with some differences like gender. As for time you have it all over him. Go in with HP and your son might be out-numbered. Ask him if he'd be okay with a few neighbors in on the conversation. He is responsible.
Check back in with how it came out should you wish and "may the road rise before you..."
Well I agree that he should learn to go with out a phone that way that connections is lost! As for what you owe him... Well I would deduct it from the broken phone and call it even, however these are my thoughts...I have an Abrother, and have tried many things to try and show him he could have a good life, and everytime I thought i was making progress his disease would show its face again, and he would be back to cry'n like a baby on my door step...The one that he only crossed when "He" was in Need Of somthing... Not when I needed him, or when I needed help with anything, ALWAYS when he NEEDED ME!
Once i joined MIP, I have learned so much, when I learned that you could "Detach" with Love... WOW, Who knew? My brother is still an A... No matter what, but since I loosened the reins on what "I thought" he should do with his life the better, his choices seem to be, I no longer voice my opionion on what/when/were he spends his time or his money, I just know that when he is in my home I keep a close eye on him and make sure NOTHING is laying out...I can't make him sober up... But I can quit being an "Enabler" for him...It is time for him to grow up...I had too!!!!
Sorry you are struggling with the son as well at this time, sometimes God gives us things that make life unmanageable, but some how some way, we always seem to come out the other side, much Stronger people for them... Will keep you in my Prayers....
wow, what great post, I am grateful. Son came clean on what was going on, so I respected that, and stopped reacting and started listening. I thanked him for being honest with me and really meant it, Have not contacted brother yet and think like Tiger, once the deterioration has started, it does take the pressure off me a bit, Thanks for all.
