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My non-drinking alcoholic husband has been driving me crazy lately watching my every move and not wanting me on al-anon sites or going to my f2f meetings. I've been giving in to it mostly with the f2f, it's too hard to fight him and listen to the rants and raves. It's bad enough when I go on-line at home when he's not here and I have to hear about it later.
This has effected my ability to do my regular jobs of housekeeping and such. I stood over the laundry and just looked at it, willing it to get up and jump in the washing machine I guess. He just harps so much on what I should be doing that I have just about shut-down being able to do anything when he's not here but being on-line or I will start posting on the message board.
He is not working as such he trades and buys and sells things but they don't bring much money in and I work as a substitute teacher but have found it hard to concentrate in class too. This is effecting me in too many negative ways. I need my al-anon to stay focused and it feels like he is robbing me of my life-blood.
Now that I have vented some maybe I can get some work done, before he gets home.
I sure hate it when someone else tries to tell me what I can or can't do! Sounds like this is having a major effect on every aspect of your life, at home, at work, etc. Why do you allow it?
hugs to you sweetie - remember everyone deserve the right to their thoughts, actions and opinions - but I still have the ability to do what is right for me.
Although many of our A's do not understand the support that we get from our own recovery - we know that it is about helping ourselves. We know that everyone benefits from our being fed recovery information.
We know that we can take what bits and pieces that we are able to get - keeping them safely tucked away in our hearts and minds - that no matter what - NO ONE can take those from us.
We can use these internal resources to help us make it thru the difficult and trying times. We may remember that although it seems like we may never be Happy, Joyous and Free that we have the promise that "This too shall pass" and there will be brighter days ahead.
Somewhere, somehow - We may be stopped from going to meetings, stopped from accessing outside people - but trust that your HP can never been stopped - Your HP has a plan for your life and nothing absolutely nothing can stop that if you are willing - even just willing to be willling - to take that leap of faith and lean on that inner guidance.
HUGS to you,
Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Giving up f2f ??? sounds like stinkin thinkin on his part , There is nothing worse than when someone in the house is getting happy (you) and they aren't . any change is a threat to the alcoholic . Please go back to meetings for yourself , remember what it was like before u had any support and ask yourself if u want to go back there again . He probably rants and raves often u know what to do with that eventually he will clue in that this is not going to happen and adjust to your f2f again . Hostage taking seems to be a problem for alot of alcoholics , isolate and conquer . This is your life too . please go back to where u know your support is . Long time ago I made a commitment to myself to recover and promised that no one or anything was going to get in my road and so far it hasn't , some have tried hehe . An alcoholic not going to meetings starts to work the steps backwards sooner or later they end up at step NONE . remember when ???? Louise
My program won't allow me to say what the knee jerk responder in me would say to someone trying to tell me I can't go to my meetings...but you can probably imagine .
I'm with the others who have responded.... its your life and your program.
I know if I stopped going today after 5 yrs of program it would take me days not years to be at abbyal's step NONE too. (Thanks Abby, I love that one!)
Glad you are back and sorry to hear the control issue is right up there.
I have had to deal with lots of control issues myself. I see it now as a huge red flag in any kind of relationship. I also know its generally projection. I also know that when the tension is building its very hard to concentrate.
I don't have a simple panacea answer as I know you have a lot on your plate with all your obligations. Do you address this in counselling or in other venues.
Control was a huge issue in my relationship with the ex A. I know he wanted me home, alone and isolated. He felt safe that way. I felt tremendously depressed but in so many ways it got easier and easier to give in.
Everynight my daughter and I sit down to work on spellings. She accepts it and knows it happens. She doesn't like it. If one night she is poorly and says "please can we leave them tonight, mummy?" and I say yes. You can bettya that the following night there will be tears tantrums and every act under the sun to avoid sitting down.
Give in once and it is harder to hold your ground, keep holding your ground and doing what's right for you and he will accept it, he might not like it but he will accept it.
Argggg... sometimes I feel so frustrated, too! My alcoholic husband sometimes asks me where I am going just when I am walking up the stairs!!! Where do you think?????!!! You could try telling him how you feel about his hovering. Maybe? Side note -- mine hasn't been to a meeting in about 3 days.... I really hope he goes tomorrow. This is his pattern. uht oh. db55
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