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My name is Kelly and I have two little angels and I'm affaid that Daddy may repeat my past childhood. My AH and I have been separated for almost six months now. I had to go to the State because he wouldn't give my any child support. I have only recieved two checks so far these past 3 weeks. We went to have our taxes done yesterday together because he knew that the state was going to make him pay me. We had the girls with us. The tax lady did it both ways for us to see what our options would be. She than left the room and let us talk. We didn't talk, the tension was horrible. 15 minutes of sitting there my AH says so what are we doing. I said I want that large amount. He did his child acting temper and signed and left us and starting walking in the middle of nowhere. I caught up with him told him to get in the car. He would not. The girls where so scared. I went 2mph for almost two miles beside him when he finally got in. The kids where so scared and so was I. He now owes me $3,000.00 and the IRS $1,000.00. And I got a huge tax return by filing separte and claiming the girls and our home.
What scares me the most is this man knows my fears. We have been together for 18 years. He is so caught up with such a negitive outlook on life that everyone hates me, I'm a nice guy but I'm such a looser and here I go getting screwed again.
My Dad was an alcholic and a drug user just like my husband. My Dad committed suicide when I was 8. I think my AH may hurt himself or even try to hurt me over the reiallity that he has nothing and to him I am getting it all.
YES, my ex AH used to pull the same "dramarama"- walking off into nowhere and by jove, I always would go running after him! I know that you are scared but this makes me laugh right now, at myself and that I always used to go scurrying after him just like a little mouse to try to "help" him.
sick sick sick I was.
HECK, no one makes them walk off- ITS THEIR CHOICE to do things like this.
Please do not put your children through such things anymore- be the grown up in the situation and take hold of your self and examine your grown up options- put the girls in the car and go have lunch and leave him- he is a grown up and if he wants to walk off, he can walk off. Its his big-boy choice to do so!!
YOU DESERVE THE MONEY, you have babies to raise and feed and take care of and he deserves to pay the money, too! The State says so! You are not to blame for any of this. He is being held to his actions by the State.
Take the money, keep it and invest it in your household and as you see fit. You might not see ANY MORE so get what you can, while you can.
This is just my ESH from having been in a similar situation. I ended up with NOTHING, lost everything. Please put you and your children first! Hugs, J.
I was scared too. You can do this. Put your children first and keep them safe. The hardest thing is letting go and to know that you can't control the situation. Take it a day at a time, and it does get easier.
Oh yes, they do love to pull the "poor me" stuff. I think they truly can't grasp the fact that they are being "made" to be responsible for something.
I too remember driving my car slowly beside my ex wife with the kids in the car as she was having a little tantrum. And to be perfectly honest, I can remember once being the one who got out of the car. But get this...lol....she didn't drive beside me trying to get me back in. She went on home and let me walk! Looking back now, she did it the right way. She got the boys away from the drama and the walk did me good. Gave me time to think and calm down.
Keep focusing on doing the next right thing for you and your children.
Aloha Kelly...hold on to the compassion. His feelings for him and his thoughts are real...to him. It is really happening to him and for him and it doesn't feel good. Hold on to the detachment also. Permit him to have his feelings and his thoughts and show him you understand and are not the one to fix it for him, that there are places he can go and people he can meet with that will help him fix it for himself.
I know that feeling of fear you have. That led me to do very irrational things. It crowded all other feeling out of my emotions and screwed up my thinking which left me with just reacting to situations rather than taking the time to think clearly, reach out for help from othres and then do a better next thing.
Money is a source often of false security and ego. It is a temporary fix for me at times expecially those times where it helps me feel better about me. I try everyday not to allow anything to interrupt with my peace of mind and serenity and my relationship with my HP. This is where the next best thing comes from.
Well I certainly had an issue for needy men for a long long time. In fact I think I really don't as Rick Belenden says in his wonderful poem know how to love someone I don't know how to fix....
Fused at the wound is it love or is it addiction why not boht she knows tears and I know anger together we almost make a whole person for a while fused at the wound but our little house of lies isn't big enoguh to hold us now she won't stan up for herself and I can't stand up for both of us at the same time anymore so we ride the broken lover's seesaw of staying and leaveing one foot in and one foot out we dance in the kitchen like unloved children and wait for fulfillment of old pain's expectations so anxious to leave so anxious to be left so anxious to be right so anxious to be hurt so anxious to be disappointed so anxious to be alone again when this whole thing started I wanted us to be immersed in each other I wanted us to fix each other I thougth this was what people were supposed to do I don't want that anymore i don't need that anymore but I still don't know how to love someone who I don't want to fix.
Well you have received so much ESH here, that I don't know if I could do any better but I can say, that "Letting Go & Letting God" has changed my life, I know what you fear, and It is truly understandable...My ABrother ALWAYS played the "Poor Me" card, and ALWAYS wanted some to react to his childish ways... It is Easier for him to say "I will just kill myself" then to say...I"m sorry for the bad choices I made...He played this card mainly with my mother for he knew that her heart strings were weak...
I am sorry for the loss of your father, I just lost my father on Thanksgiving 08 to Alcoholism, and that is pretty much how I found MIP, it has been a life change for me, a will pray that is does the same for you... I don't know the ages of your children, but I know that their are alot of places you can get support for them and you...A Face to Face Al-anon/Al-teen meeting would be a GREAT place to start for all of you...I will say that when I first started going to them I had questioned whether or not, it was really for me! However, I did what I was advised and that was to go to (6) meetings before I desided on what I wanted... Well it was on my (6th) meeting that I realized what a great group of people had left me be apart of them... I could not be happier for my efforts in putting myself at the top of my own list instead of all the "A's" in my life... And your children for sure should be put above the rest...
Take it one Day at a time, and keep coming back because it does Work It you Work it...
Friends in Recovery.... Love & Prayers.... Missing
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Forgiveness- Isn't about forgettingwhat happened,its about Giving Up,All Hope,of a Better Past!
Thank you all for your words. I got through that battle and we went away for the whole weekend. The girls and I had fun for the first time in six month. But then we came home and I had all that pain right back. But I am here and need all of you so much and will just try to give it all to God and take life for today for me and my girls. As for him I want to call him and beg him to come back. Now, how sick is that! I need that poem put on my forehead. Thanks again! Kelly
Looking back now, she did it the right way. She got the boys away from the drama and the walk did me good. Gave me time to think and calm down.