How do you know...? - Al-Anon Family Group

reef999 · Member

How do you know...?

Jean4444 · ~*Service Worker*~

Reef, he is an alcoholic/addict and he always will be. Relapse is always just around the corner. Accept this about him and truly buy the package, if you are going to go there.

A couple of weeks?!- please slow down and give him and yourself some space and time (in my book that would be at least a year if not a couple). Trust is earned, slowly and with words and actions matching. Watch what they do, not what they say. You are right, no one can decide but you. Hugs, J.

db55 · Veteran Member

Yes, I would listen to Jean.... have your eyes open and work on yourself. Know what you are buying. I love my alcohoic husband. It has had a toll on me though.... I had breast cancer in 2006. Related? I don't know, but some people say that pent up anger leads to illness. Go to counseling, go to Alanon, shop and then decide.
db55

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Reef!!

The gals of MIP and in Al-Anon have great suggestions and honestly it
was the women in the program that save my own butt and then taught
how to save it myself. One thing I learned is that the alcoholic is not
responsible for my happiness or sadness. What ever I'm getting or had
got was the consequence of my decisions and responsibilities.

"He" is not the solution to your problem. A power greater than "He" and
the willingness to change yourself is...from my experience.

What I heard at my meeting this moring was, "Keep coming back and get
"into" the program, not just "around" it."

(((((Hugs))))) smile

Suzannah · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Reef)))))))Whoa, A WEEK is nothing to set the rest of your life on. (In my opinion that is.)

It takes time, and practice and commitment. Binge drinkers can be clean for longer than that and still "fall off the wagon". A week is an introduction, and I know for a fact that I would have to watch and see. IT's the commitment over time that will show if he is working a programme, and if truly is carrying his actions through in the way that would impress me that he is serious, not the words with a week's worth of programme. I would be very cautious at this point.

If he is to turn HIS life around and commit to programme of cleaning up and looking at his abusive behaviour toward you it would have to be a REAL commitment over time, for me that is.

I learned the hard way and I spent years being abused by a violent A. I am in my late fifties now and it is telling. My body is wrecked and I have real health issues due to the physical injuries let alone the emotion injuries he caused.

I would be very cautious. However, it is YOUR life, and you deserve to LIVE it without fear and suppression.

My opinion, for what it is worth, is take things very carefully, watch, wait, and see; and if he is seriously turning himself around it will become evident over time. And I would have to tell him this too...and keep telling him...and what'smore keep telling myself this.

Read literature, go to f2f meetings and keep reading this board and coming back. The reality IS here if you look. And there are MIRACLES here too, so it is not all doom and gloom, however REALITY is here too.

Suzannah

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

in the Getting them Sober series, Toby Rice Drew has some excellent insight on relaitonships for anyone with a newly sober A. I really recommend getting the book and stating on the series, the are a revelation. One book is available at the top of this page.

maresie.

saltire · Member

hi reef
do yourself a favour and get out while you still can.
I think its different for others who met the alky before they became that way as they had a sober past but in your case you can get away with your sanity in tact and a clean head.
Enjoy being single again and find someone like you who is not an addict of anything.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.