The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In all of my new found comfort and arrogance I went against what I KNEW and have been working on, and decided to just have a "quick peak" at the ExABF's page on MYSPACE......NOT a good idea....He has recently added yet another new "female friend" and when I saw that I literally felt my stomach drop and my instinct to react kick in. How could he I thought to myself? How could this man be so cunning and just cruel? I hurt so bad right now and it is no one's fault but my own-who was I to be so full of myself that I thought I could handle that? It really hurts me that he would add ANYONE that quickly-as he refused to add me early on and didn't for well over a month. It hurts that it is a female I can see him dating. It hurts that he did it and knows it would hurt me (he knew I would check his page I'd imagine, as he checks mine frequently I am sure of)-there is no consideration for my feelings anymore in anyway. I feel like the worlds biggest idiot right now. WHY do I continue to do this to myself?....I stayed away for some time from his page and felt good-not great, still missing him and sad but better-as that was our only remaining connection-myspace where we met-but I felt like I was doing something by not going there-if that makes sense......Now I just feel like a dumb!@! and the hurt that I thought was going away some all came flooding back..... thanks for listening trying to keep it simple shelly
__________________
Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Well My love.... You did it because you still have unresulved feelings, and you just need to work them out... You will get it done, the temptation is right there..If you remove the temptation you may just remove the pain...However, we all have a couple steps up and know we are going ot fall a couple steps back at times, but hold your head up and get back to being "all you can be"... lol... Don't feel like and idiot... Feel like it was a lesson learned and take something from it, make it an expericence and not a nightmare... You are working your steps, go back and revive yourself in a couple of them and get your power back...
Love and hugs to ya babe... Friends in recovery... Missing...
__________________
Forgiveness- Isn't about forgettingwhat happened,its about Giving Up,All Hope,of a Better Past!
And some day you will be able to pass that lesson on to another new comer who comes searching for love and support.
I remember doing that. I'm not glad that anyone else has done it but then the lessons as "missing" mentioned... I remember after one time of doing it that my sponsor and the program taught me, "What you don't know can't hurt you but what you suspicion can kill you." Damn that was accurate. I asked, "How could she!!" also then learned "How could she not." I went on to "...every Tom, Dick and Harry!!" and then changed it to "...every Tom, Dick, Harry and Jerry" because I wasn't her HP only one of the guys in the line. LOL
How could you be so arrogant....How could you not!! Welcome to the human family. Go outside throw a tantrum, jump up and down and scream your head off and then put on a smile, come back inside and say "got me!!". He u s e to be the one that you placed your self esteem with and now you are the only one responsible for it.
As much as you're loved and supported here there are no members here that can stop him from drinking and/or you from going back to the well either. It's only a bump. You won't let it be fatal.
Keep coming back without your alcoholic. MIP is here for you.
It's okay ((((Shelley.)))) It's just a lesson you probably will never do again. The best part is, you see what it did to you. That's progress. My sponsor always says,
"If you go looking for trouble, you're likely to find it, so don't go looking for trouble!!!"
When my AH moved out, I would drive-by his new place once in awhile. Every time, I would start to analyze things like, why is his truck parked sideways, or why all the lights were on?? Painting dirty little pictures about what must be happening. Just like you, I noticed it was not good for me to be doing this. So, I stopped.
We don't change overnight. We take baby steps until we break in our new Al-anon shoes! Be very gentle with yourself! hugs, gladlee
-- Edited by glad lee at 10:04, 2009-02-08
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Sometimes it takes a few times of touching that hot stove to realize that we need to not do that any more! I know I have my share of blisters and scars and will likely get a few more before I'm ready to accept the lesson I'm being taught.
You're doing great - the growth and progress that I see in your posts is an inspiration to me. Keep up the good work!
