The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I cant take much this much longer. I cant take the accusations agaist me. Beacause I had my hair done, "who said they like it long? your getting it done becase someone said they liked it... I wanted it. because I am tired of looking like i dont take care of mysefl... But its not belived.
I knew it was going to be a bad night.
"You must have someone else. Dont lie to me you do. Over and over again. I am the bad one and you are the victim.always."
most of the night.
I came in last night. my nose was running. i ate, layed down, sleep, woke up to text. He wanted to be with me. ok. i have a soar throat. NOT BELIEVED.
accussed of making an excuse.
I cant take this. I woke him up at 6 this morning. I said he has to stop accusing me. Stop the abusive behavior.
his answer. I'll stop I'LL GET THE xxxx OUT OF THIS xxxxING PLACE.
I miss having a friend ...
i feel so low of myself, i have not talked with anyone just go to my room and try and sleep. but i dont, i am awake and ashamed ....and I ask God to take me out of life. But hes not listening.
like my mother always said " you are a nothing and a nobody"
i wish i can tell her how right she is.
thanks for listening.
-- Edited by canadianguy on Wednesday 18th of March 2009 01:33:13 PM
(((((spirit))))) my heart goes out to you and I am sooooo glad you found your way here. First of all, and I mean this with all my heart-you are NOT a nothing and a nobody..............God don't make no junk girlfriend!! I can only offer you some of my ESH from a very abusive marriage to A. I found that the only thing that could save me was me. The best thing you can do for yourself is find a f2f meeting in your area and get there-TODAY. I promise you it will help you put things into a better perspective. Go to the chat room here if you can't find a meeting in your area. Come to the boards here and post, scream, yell and vent.......get it out..... Remember there is a plan for you, but it's not up to us to decide that NOW is the time to know what it is......sometimes as much as we hate it-I know I do-we have to just WAIT and see what HP's plan is for us.... Please keep coming back.......it REALLY does work if you work it.... Keeping it simple......one day at a time Shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
I often feel the same way. Praying for life to end just so I'll have peace for a change. I don't even know what the right thing is anymore that I need to do to keep the peace. I could stand still and I'd be wrong for doing that. I often think my husband would be happier if I didn't breathe anymore, but that would leave my teenage daughter alone with a man she can't stand to be around. He has come out and told both of us to leave, but he's sick and I can't do that. Moral obligations. I like you, have no one to talk to about this. My parents have both passed and my brothers and sisters are busy with their own lives and troubles. I don't feel like I can talk to my friends because they don't know what my daughter and I live with on a daily basis. It seems like we're always protecting the secret of the alcoholic. I know we don't know each other, but I'm a pretty good listener, so go ahead and talk if you need to.
I have been exactly where you have been, believe me.
I am really sorry that you are in this dark place and I know it is a dark place.
To have the person you love yell and accuse. The one person in the world that you want to have good positive feelings with. The person you love. All they keep doing is hating on you and trying to control you. This is so painful, I know.
What we seek is acceptance and friendship.
My mother also told me often that I was good for nothing. That I was to blame when things went wrong. That I was incompetent, foolish, unwise and had no common sense.
The TRUTH is that I am extremely competent, quite wise and have lots of good innate common sense. I make good decisions. I have good sense, generally. I am a wonderful friend. I am a good person in so many ways.
I have also asked God to take me out of life. It never happened. So it must mean that we need to stay here and deal and MAKE CHOICES. Reach a higher ground! Rise!
Please attend some face to face al anon meetings, if you can. Please get some of the literature and read it. Please think about why on earth you would want to spend your valuable time and precious energy with people who are so negative and draining and make you so exhausted. Other people are here in our life to lift us up, not tear us down. It was my job to work to focus my life force and energy on the builder-uppers and to subtract my energy away from the ones who tear me down. When you ARE with someone who really helps to make you feel so good (a friend or family member) really savor that and sit in that feeling and notice very carefully how that all sits with you. How you breathe differently, you hold your body differently, etc. Notice the goodness that floats through and around you. Really focus on the good ness.
I know EXACTLY how you feel. I get the same accusations myself. A long time ago, some of them would have been true because back then I didn't know how to cope with my feelings. I'm glad to say I haven't lived up to those accusations in over 20 years, but they are still made, nonetheless.
I'm noticing that they are being made more frequently when I don't participate in the alcoholic's dance. When I don't justify, argue, defend or explain myself, the nastiness goes up a notch.
I've come to believe that he is saying these things out of fear in an attempt to control/manipulate me. This is what alcoholics do. They threaten, accuse, berate those around them because they can't stand themselves.
Does understanding this make life with them easier? Oddly enough, it does - most of the time.
I know I never would have reached this point if I had not found the Al-Anon program. Good for you for finding this site. You may not realize it now, but it took a lot of courage to come here.
Jean offered the very best suggestion - get to some meetings, read the literature, keep coming back.
My daughter and I had a discussion along these lines this morning about accusations. My best suggestion to her was to not take them on. Leave them with him. He invented them, he can keep them and carry them and do with them whatever he wants.
(((spirit))) no matter who suggests that you are nothing or accuses you...why would you think they are experts with a valuable opinion? Perhaps it is because it is what you've always been told? Well, have you ever pondered that they are wrong? That they have some sort of venom inside them that most likely has nothing to do with what you are? Go deeper within yourself. Is what they say to you who you are? Of course not!! Leave it with them. It is theirs to work through. It isn't for you to take on and carry through your life.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
If you keep coming back here and go and keep going to face to face Al-Anon meetings and try to follow the suggestions you hear there you will come to learn that your Mom was wrong and He is wrong.
Go and stay where you are loved unconditionally. You are loved and you are not alone. Welcome home.
YOU are a precious child of your creator. As your name suggests you are a wonderful spirit. HE is not your higher power. Keep coming back to MIP and face to face Alanon meetings. Surround yourself with people who care about you.
