Al-Anon Family Group

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> new to the board - first post - trying to understand...
Post Info TOPIC: new to the board - first post - trying to understand...
jasobel


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new to the board - first post - trying to understand...
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Hi - I am new to all of this. I will attend my first alanon meeting monday night. It has been helpful reading all of your posts to try to learn what alanon is all about. I am very thankful tonight I found this online forum. My boyfriend of over a year is an alcoholic. He is attending AA, but had a huge set back Monday night and it was terrifying. It brought back all of my fears from having my alcoholic brother terrorize me for twenty years. I finally divorced him from my life after my parents died - but obviously the distance has not helped my pain. My boyfriends set back brought it all back. All of the fear, all of the anxiety and all of the pain.

We are not married and not engaged, but we are living together. I am trying to convince him also to go into counseling so we can decide together where we are going from here. I just don't know if I can honestly cope with the fear of setbacks even though he does go to AA and move forward together through this.  I just am in shock that this has affected me so deeply. I have been in therapy for 20 years to deal with the trauma of what happened with my brother (too long a story for this post). Obviously that therapy didn't do much good.

Hopefully when I get into alanon I will learn more about how to cope. Right now its all pretty scary.

Jill

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Jean4444


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Hey Jill, FYI the therapy did do some good because you can step back and trace it and see and make the connection in yourself about the trigger that was created by your bro but got pushed by your BF. W/O therapy, you never could have made that connection so consider yourself fortunate in that respect, believe me!

You will learn a lot in face to face meetings and yes, it is a scary place to be where you are right now suspended in between but soon you will see that you have a home and a basis and a real authentic foundation that you may have never knew could exist. From that we grow. From that we learn to love. From that we learn so much.

Keep coming back here, too- and keep reading as much lit as you can to find out about the disease that both your brother and your BF have. And you have been deeply affected by this horrible disease and it takes a heck of a lot of courage to truly admit that and deal with it so again, you are on the right path missy, just hang in there one day at a time! Hugs, J.

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missing out


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((((JILL))))

You are def, at the right place for the struggles you have faced and what you have forged thru, You will find many here that understand your feelings, and understand your ups and downs in everyday life, You came to the right place, now all you have to do is get your focus on yourself long enough to realize you can do this, you can get help thru it all, and keep coming back...

I am pretty new myself to this forum about a month and a half now, I have learned so much from the caring loving people that really understand WHo and what I need when I have an off day... You better save it to your favorites because once you see the miricles work right before your eyes in peoples post, and comments, you will be glad you made the trip...

Good luck to you and your new adventure, at al-anon, "It works if ya work it"
Friends in Recovery...
Missing

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Forgiveness- Isn't about forgetting what happened, its about Giving Up, All Hope, of a Better Past!
Jerry F


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Aloha Jill!!

You didn't say if the upset resulted in your alcoholic relapsing into
 drinking.  If he handled the upset without the bottle he has hope.
Maybe he was able to use his AA program and its suggestions to
crawl thru.

In any case...you are not along and there are always extra chairs here
and in the Al-Anon Family Groups for newcomers.   Get as much
literature as you can and read it all and then keep coming back to the
meetings consitently before deciding if this is for you or not.  Learn
the steps and traditions and Serenity Prayer and practice, practice,
practice.   Just one of the many suggestions that have worked for me
and others.

(((((hugs))))) smile

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shellyj123


~*Service Worker*~

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(((((jill)))))
    Welcome to MIP, so glad to have you here.  You will learn a lot both here and in your f2f meetings.  I can understand how the past can come back to haunt us, I had the same experience with my EXABF, which is what lead me here-a desire to change to a better way of life.
    Remember to take care of u! and keep coming back
keeping it simple
shelly

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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!

Only God can turn a mess into a message.

Prayin' on it, Stayin' on it, I will survive it.

If nothing ever changes, nothing ever changes.
db55


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Hi Jill,
It is scary.  For me it is scary knowing I am powerless over something... and just about everything, really.  But we are powerless over alcohol and alcoholism.  All we can do is work on ourselves and get support.  Alanon and counseling are great for me.  I knew my husband was an alcoholic when I married him.  He was attening AA regularly and had been for 20 years -- hadn't had a drink in 5.  Had I known then what I know now -- I don't know if I would have married him.  Maybe.  (He has had many slips -- and periods of drinking) and many returns to recovery.  I know I would have continued to work on myself and started attending Alanon and kept with it from the beginning.  Maybe I could have avoided the low level I got to being blamed for all his problems and being asked to jump through many, many hoops.  But, I woke up and I hope we can get back to creating a healthy relationship.  We are working on it.  Sounds like you have a great start.  Keep it up.
db55

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