The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As the time passes since I decided to really just let it go, it seems that I can see things more clearly than before, I am guessing it is because I have stepped back from the situation and am allowing myself to feel it and see it for what it is. Ya know you really can see better without the rose colored glasses and the blinders:). There was a point that I just KNEW I could not live without EXABF, he was my happiness-or so I thought. I felt that I was dying inside and the only thing that could save me was him coming back. It's funny now, my feelings.... Right now, today, I am angry with him and for the first time since this all began I am ok with that. I'm angry for the hurt he caused me and my son, and for his coldness in it all. For him walking away and walking back and walking away again. For his inability to let go of the mistakes I made and move on. I realized that it is OK to feel anger, it is when I don't and I bury it that I allow it to affect my future. So for today, I am angry at EXABF, and I'm not upset that I am angry-I'm actually kinda calm. I see things he did that I didn't see back when I was DYING to have him in my life. I have seen him behave in selfish ways that I never thought he would (calling me and leading me to believe we had a future, holding on cause it was easier for HIM than letting go, walking out the door from day one without sitting down like adults and talking about things), I see the inconsistancies in what he has said, and written, and the role he has played in my life since we split up-I never saw them before. To me he was literally "SOBERMAN-Invincible Alcoholic" who made no mistakes and did nothing wrong-EVERYTHING was my fault. I thought he was this perfect man in every way, and he was sent to rescue me from myself (can ya tell how distorted insanity causes one's thinking to become?? I mean I ACTUALLY thought that an alcoholic could rescue me from my life of codependancy, and make everything better- I KNEW HE COULD-I HAD to have him in my life to go on living-UGHH!! I can admit my faults and what I did wrong and had several times, yet not ONCE has he said "I did this wrong, etc" Soberman does no wrong apparently:) He wrote to me several times "I need you to understand I don't blame you"....(Neat how when I say the same thing over and over I am trying to control?????) It's all good though, really good. I am growing and learning and feeling for the first time in my life. I feel confidence where there was insecurity, nad faith where there has always been fear. I've learned forgiveness and letting go and living a life day to day without the worries that used to overwelm me. I'm working my program, working my steps with my sponsor and going to meetings, reading and doing service work-everything that makes me stronger..I'm sure I will still have bad days, but I see them getting fewer and farther between and I know better now how to deal with them when they arrive. Today I do still love EXABF, but am also very angry with him and what HE has put us through. Today I also am learning to love myself-a harder process but one that was worth the wait. I am also grateful, he helped me find my way here........for that I will always be thankful. Keep coming back (for the second part in my "Soberman" series-:) it really does work if you work it Shelly
-- Edited by shellyj123 at 12:08, 2009-02-06
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
((((Shelly)))) Well good for you, I too have had a much better day with a few HP happenings of my own... I am glad to see you taking the high road and working thru what it is that you have gotten to this far...You give me courage in the fact that I know have witnessed with my very own eyes, that it can indeed, "Work if ya work it"...
So Keep up the good work....
Love and Hugs... Missing
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Forgiveness- Isn't about forgettingwhat happened,its about Giving Up,All Hope,of a Better Past!
I've never ever heard a "Soberman story" before. First time for everything huh? I like your revelation of stepping back and seeing more. That was also one of the awarenesses I was taught in program. "If you stand so close to the picture you will only see that part in front of your nose. When you back up and take another look you can see the whole picture, the frame, the wall upon where it hangs and much much more. Al-Anons' are soooo smart. With all that awareness the pieces of the puzzle come together faster and better. I'm glad you have arrived there.
Another thing that saved my spirit was to learn how to be angry at the behavior and less at the alcoholic otherwise I set myself up with my expectations that it is only my alcoholic wife that I allow to wrinkle my spirit. The alcoholic behaviors are not acceptable from anyone...even myself. I learned how to rebuild my value system and keep it active.
Keep coming back. Its great to watch as sister grow!!
