Emotional Intoxicants - Al-Anon Family Group

ddub · ~*Service Worker*~

Emotional Intoxicants

Lilly Burn · Veteran Member

Gosh, thats a good article. My AH has just left me, I think he thinks Im a nag, no fun and a lot of other things. I have constantly been loyal to him, allowed his behaviour, joined in, tried to be the perfect wife whilst watching him become more and more detached from me and most interestingly, I cant remember all the occasions he has gone on this downward spiral, eventually leaving, going god knows where and telling me hes not coming back. Then me begging and him eventually 'deigning' to come back if I behave better!! My sister has been reminding me of all these occasions and I really have blocked many of them out. I am exhausted and if he hadnt left I really dont think i would have been far behind. I think fear, financial worries and being alone were stopping me. I was glad when he had to go away on business (he called from there to tell me he didnt love me and wasnt coming back). I was looking forward to not feeling constant anxiety that things were wrong and trying to make life nice for him. I am truly emotionally exhausted and couldnt imagine this time, ever letting him do this to me again, so finally, i am admitting defeat. Im never going to have the perfect life with him, there is no us, there was only him and all his 'head problems'. Im 49, didnt marry until I was 43 and this is the last thing I wanted, but I can see already that life will be much calmer and I just have to fill it with people who care about me, not just themselves. He has mentally tortured me with his leavings, always feeling as if Ive been punished. Im a week on now and I know I never have to be here again...ever.... THANK YOU FOR DIRECTING ME TO THAT ARTICLE.

Priscilla83 · Senior Member

This article is soo interesting!! It's like this small article described years and years of my life.
What amazes me the most it;s that, as any disease, the symptons are clear and precise in all of us, codependants, and alcoholics.

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

You know I know I say this quite a bit but I need to keep putting it out there. I don't need an alcoholic around to be codependent, that said, when I am around (and involved with in some way) an alcoholic there is no way my life doesn't get worse without addressing key issues. The main one is that I can't control their "using".

I do think this article is very useful. I identified with every stage. I live, sleep and breathe denial.

I hope you are taking care of yourself. I have huge barriers to it myself personally.

Maresie.

tishrijo · Veteran Member

Thank you for posting this...even though I do not drink...I still have all of the characteristics of an alcoholic. I recognized myself and my husband in that article. I had been away from AlAnon for 4 years and recently found it again on New Years Eve. I definitely know now that it's time I really start to work the steps. Again, thanks!

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha ddub...We use to read the definition of alcoholism before every
meeting when I arrived in the program and then over time I guess that
was dropped. I still have much of it memorized because it was sooo very
important to me to know how the disease affected me and then how I
affected others. Since then a lot of water has passed under the bridge
and still the awareness is very nearly the same.

Thanks for the reminder. (((((hugs))))) smile

Jean4444 · ~*Service Worker*~

NAILED!!!

Yes, very concise and thank you so much for posting- this is just like it says in our literature: while the alcoholic may have a serious DRINKING problem, we have a serious THINKING problem. Great share! Jean

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.