The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm struggling a bit, well more than a bit, today.
Since having contact with my Ason over the last 48 hours, my detachment from his illness remains solid but my maternal instincts will be my battle today.
He is in a bad place right now, I can feel his fear and to top it all have just had a phonecall from him to say he is in hospital having collapsed in the street. He can hardly string two words together he's in such a state. He's severely malnourished, weighs around 6 stones, (he's 5'9'') with God knows what all other medical problems.
I calmed him down, told him I loved him, that he knew his options and if he truly wants help he knows where to find it, it's only a phone call away.
Will this be his rock bottom.....I hope so with all my heart. I have to hope he will make that phone call. I could so easily have made that call for him but I haven't...I'm learning, but my God it's tough.
I have been speaking very calmly with him over the last couple of days. Just telling him he has options, reminding him where his help and support is, reminding him there is another path waiting for him when he is ready. Reminding him he is much loved.
He has the knowledge of what AA can do for him, he has a lot of friends there. But he also needs extensive rehab.
Only he can decide.
I feel battered and bruised today. I also now have my daughter's situation on my mind and in my heart so the load is heavy. I got 3 hours sleep last night so when I said yesterday I felt exhausted, maybe I was just tired, today I know for sure I'm definately exhausted!
But I don't feel desperate...challenged yes, desperate no.
I'm going to make a cup of tea, run a hot bath where I will sip and cry and sip and cry till I feel better, then get on with the day. Outside the sun is shining, the mountains are covered in snow, it's magical...... but there's rain in my heart today.
((((ness))))) My heart goes out to you. When we become parents we spend the rest of our lives walking around with our hearts on the outside of our bodies...easily broken and wounded, always ready to protect our young (and they will be our young when they are 50) Sounds like you are really doing everything you can and doing it the right way and letting your HP help you and trusting his HP will guide him in the process. I can only hope that I can be half the mom you are if I would ever have to be:) Take care of you 2~ shellyj123
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Well done Ness. It's so hard to let go, truly hand a loved one over to hp.... sometimes I just have to shift my focus to MY sleep, which I need for my health.... tell hp I am handing concern over to him; visualize myself snuggling in hp's lap.... consciously breathe deeply.... play sleeping music.... consciously relax every muscle group in turn - release those other thoughts when they come, and substitute these other healthier ones I'm intentionally practicing. Sometimes it takes many, many repetitions before I'm successful, but over time it DOES help me get more sleep - and that's something *I* need for *my* serenity.
And for the Yanks on the board - 6 stone is about 84 pounds. Yikes.
Your doing great even tho your heart is heavy... Mine is not my son it is my Abrother, but even so, I know the pain you feel when you see him withering away to nothing... But turning him on to finding his own way truly is the way to go, and let him see that he can do things for himself, he just has to want it bad enough...To bad we couldn't get them to see how bad we want it, but again it has to be his call...
You do have to take care of yourself as well thru all of your struggles...That way you are prepared for whats ahead... All we can do is live one day at a time the best that we know how, but I just wanted to add that I think you are a Very Strong Women, and you should be Proud of handing him over to his HP... I will keep you in my prayers...
Friends In Recovery.... Missing...
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Forgiveness- Isn't about forgettingwhat happened,its about Giving Up,All Hope,of a Better Past!
You do have to take care of yourself as well thru all of your struggles...That way you are prepared for whats ahead... All we can do is live one day at a time the best that we know how, but I just wanted to add that I think you are a Very Strong Women, and you should be Proud of handing him over to his HP... I will keep you in my prayers...
