The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Have just had an Epihany (is that how you spell it) while reading through the posts.
My depression and my disease did not begin with my AH's drinking.
It begun with needing others to 'need' me. It begun with me seeking out other's who were dependent in order to validate myself. This started long before my AH came along. I am beginning to understand co-dependency.
I remember being about 7 and at that time not being popular. One of the popular boys had been giving out stickers to the 'in-group' earlier in the day. Later in the playground he hurt his knee playing football. I went over to him and was sympathetic and then later asked him for a sticker - he said yes! I think that was a defining moment for me and set in motion a strategy that I have unconsciously used for years.
Then I blamed my lack of popularity and my consequent unhappiness on my parents, my clothes, my academic ability, now I blame my misery on my AH and I am teaching my daughter to do the same unintentionally. Perhaps I need to go back to the playground and let it go...
Well I can't tell you when I became a "People Pleaser" (or needing people to need me)...but I know it is something that I suffer from for sure... I would litterly loose sleep over someone being upset with me, but when I look back and try to figure it all out, I would say alot of it came about when my parents split when I was 8-9...My Afather wasn't around for al ong time and it took the wind out of my sails...I would do dang near anything to get attention, and since I started al-anon I have done alot better, but I still struggle with it... I have a hard time, just focusing on ME... When I have spent my last years tryin to please others and I didn't even come in to the picture...So I am quiet new but I can only hope that having moments like the one you have had keeps me growing in recovery as well...
Thanks for your post... Always glad to see someone move forward... Good for you!!! Good thing you seen it now, so you can now help your daughter as well...
Love & Prayers... Missing
__________________
Forgiveness- Isn't about forgettingwhat happened,its about Giving Up,All Hope,of a Better Past!
I know for me it seemed like being hard on myself was the way to go. In fact over time I've had to learn to be very gentle with myself to get better.
I hope you'll find a way through this. If you were a child who didn't have parents to guide you its not your fault.
I know my own upbringing was totally dysfunctional.
I also know that my codependency began long before I met an adult outside my family. My family was peopled by alcoholics so no wonder I have been "comfortable" around alcoholics.
