The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just wanted to stop by and thank all of you for the much needed support the past few days, the past few weeks, and the past few months:) I reasoned a lot of things out last night with my HP and do feel much better about many things. I must admit this has been quite a bumpy ride, with lots of pleasant and not so pleasant parts along the way. I have been all over the spectrum of feelings and back again. I've talked, yelled, cried, bartered, controlled, reasoned and finally, just today,gave up and really let go. I woke up this morning knowing that I absolutely could not take another day of crazy in my life, whether A has been there or not-crazy has, and I have held my arms out to welcome it and play my codependant part. The past two weeks have been such a mess that I haven't focused on my program like I was doing and IT SHOWED:) I let my feelings be determined once again by someone else's actions, and it reminded me what my life was like with active ExAH. I would come home from working two jobs, and come in the door and wait to see what kind of mood he was in, that determined what kind of mood I could be in. What an existance. Today I woke up and realized that the focus has to come back to me and what makes me happy. ExABF can do what he pleases, when he pleases and that is up to him-not me. I can react to his words, visits or emails, I can sit and wait and hope that we work things out-but I'm NOT going to-not anymore. At this point there are so many hurt feelings between us it would be a matter of starting all over if we did, and I can't do that right now- What I can do is detach, walk away and live my life in the now-for me, for my son-for today. The future is not mine to know or worry about. I trust only in my HP and pray only for knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry that out. His will be done-not mine (mine usually hurts to much anyway:)) taking it one baby step at a time, one day at a time... shellyj123
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Good for you girlfriend... with much love I am pleased that you have taking on a new focus in your life and just let go.. I think you have come a long way baby and wish you nothing but the best....
The days that was unbarable can always to calmed by a great friend... Look me up ;+)
Friends in Recovery... Missing...
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Forgiveness- Isn't about forgettingwhat happened,its about Giving Up,All Hope,of a Better Past!
The description of your struggle over the last few months and then the awareness that you reached today was inspiring. It reminded me of my struggle and how when I finally surrendered I felt immediate release. I know I could not have surrendered unless I had come to believe that I had a Loving HP that I could trust with my life. I heard that also in your share. Thanks for sharing your journey
