Well as I have posted before my husband is a binge drinker,  and in Nov he had a pretty bad binge, tore up his car, we had to spend about 500.00 to fix it, and he didnt have it for 3 weeks while we were waiting for parts, he had to rely on someone else to take him to work, and well he said to me at that time, ( like many times before ) , " I dont know why I do this, why do you think I do it?" I said well " simply you are an alcoholic , you need help", he said he knows he cant drink and cant stop at just one or two beers and no more drinking for him.
I said sure, been down this road MANY MANY times before.
So two months pass, not bad for one of his dry spells, but now we are out and he out of the blue orders 2 glasses of wine, I didnt say anything, just let it pass, thought to myself, hmm ya i knew the good times wouldnt last. Then next time it was 2 beers, he said he knows he is a binge drinker and that he can do a 2 beer limit for himself, and what do I think? I said well as I have said before you are an alcoholic and you need help. thats it. He said he likes the taste of beer to much to let it go.

So now moving on to Super Bowl, ugh where to start, and sorry if it is so long, but I need to vent so bad.
He planned a party with his 3 of his friends, my sister, my daugter, one of her friends, and my 12 year old nephew.
We spent over 500.00 on this stupid party. I knew one of  his friends would bring his own kind of beer, and my hubby doesnt drink that, so he told me to buy a 24 pack of Corona, for the rest to share.  He said he would do good, space them out , drink water and eats lots of food, even said that if my sis and I see him drinking excessive to call him on the carpet.  I thought a disaster waiting to happen.
Day of SB, he went out and got another 12 pack of Stella and a 6 pack of Smirnoff Ice.  Then he started the day drinking , drinking , drinking. no water, no eating, nothing, just beer, beer, beer, his friends arrive and bring a 30 pack of beer. OMG . and his other friend had a 12 pack of beer. OMG more, so we are up to , ALOT of beer, I dont drink, my daughter and her frined dont my sister maybe 2 beers max. So the rest of all that for 4 guys.
And to top it off they have pot and are all smoking it outside, my husband too, he doesnt even do that.
So we didnt even get to watch the SB, no one really ate to much, lots and lots of food wasted.
And then they asked my sister to go to Chilis with them and long story short, she didnt go cuz of me, saying no. not to get in the car to drive. they went to chilis and had more beer, and then was going to go to the store for more, but came home first and then we kicked his friends out.
OMG it was sooooo HORRIBLE when my husband came home. my sister thought he was okay, i said you dont ,live with hiim to know how he is and how he can turn,
His friend insulted my daughter sooooo bad ( she is mixed with african american and Italian) he made two really bad remarks about her color and even threw the N word out.  he was out of the house.
So this morning my husband is up and acts like nothing happend. I had to tell him about MY daughter  and how my husband was calling me B word and slut in front of my nephew and being really really mean. had to tell him he let the dogs out by leaving the gate open and we had to chase them down for 30 mins . had to tell him about his friends trying to pick up on my sister and me, had to tell him I thought it was so wrong of him to get in the car with an open containor and that I hope he gets arrested sometime. had to tell him how they left a HUGE mess outside , had to tell him how my sister and I got in a fight over the drinking situation, had to tell him how much he drank and what happeneed to spacing out, water and eating, had to tell him, even thought i knew I shouldnt have. If I didnt i would have blown up sometime. told hiim i dont know how much more i can take of this. his drinking is out of control. he needs help, he doesnt see it, and to be honest he really didnt seem to care when i told him how much he drank . he is never going to change, never.
and i dont know how much more i can take. it makes it hard for me to be close to him, and he wonders why i cant be intamite with him and loving, well duh  moron, you are mean, and care only about yourself.
I am in NO WAY able to leave him financially, and it kills me. he knows this and uses it all the time against me.
I know i should go on like nothing happened last night but how do you do that? How do you pretend that your  kid wasnt hurt, and that you were not embarrassed in front of everyone, even though most of them were his drunkin idiot friends? How do i continue being his wife?
well thanks for listening. that really helps.