The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Oh my god I cant believe how angry I am right now.
That loser has been telling his family alsorts of rubbish.
His grandma just rang me. Trying to make me have him back. She said I have to chose to have mark back or stop going to college as I cant expect him or his mum to look after josh on a monday and tuesday. Fine I will get a childminder no problem. Then she was saying that that there maybe things that bother him about me which is also fine Im not perfect no one is. She also says that me going to college has put more pressure on mark who works harder than me (yeah right). She said that I can bearly manage now to look after my kids do the washing and do the ironing and go to college (what does she think iv been doing all week) then she said I should come second to his hobbies as im not that imprtant. Well excuse me I think I am why the hell should I put up with a violent drunk no chance, just coz she did doesnt mean i will.
Tomorrow I look for childcare for me son. I get my finacies in order and i stick my fingers up at that familey.
You know what I dont get I dont ask them to have my kids they ask me. If it was such a problem then why did they ask in the first place. I swear to god Iv had it its defo over coz I dont want nothing to do with that family again.
Oh an a other thing I told her that while mark is out of work he can look after his child and she said 'he wont be out of work long as we wrk in this family' I NEVER SAID YOU DIDNT. She said it in a very stuck up way.
my head is on fire I doubt I will sleep tonight. I know when i calm down im gonna be wreck Sory for the long rant.
Try to remember that the woman you were speaking to is old and sick. She has obviously been affected by the disease. She sounds like a real piece of work!
Anyway, when you are done being infuriated, you can be grateful that you have this program (and sorry for that poor old lady who doesn't and probably never will.) And you can be grateful that you don't have to raise your kids in that insanity and hate. You can raise your kids with love and kindness.
Don't take those calls anymore. Nothing to talk about. Nothing.
She is a piece of work. I love it how SO MANY people stick up for these people but they are in the same game we used to be. Or I should say I used to be. I used to stick up for him- as if anyone really needs anyone to stick up for themselves?! Ugh, its all so SICK SICK SICK
Turn the page. Close the book. end of story! Why cast pearls among such swine?! Hugs, J.
MUM (((HUGS))) WOW... What a women... She sounds as tho she has a little built up anger herself, and you was the currant target... Anyone that thinks living with a Violent A is OK...Can't be wrapped all that tight... So you do what you have too , to care for you and your kids..You are here and we are all here to support you.. So hang in there and when the anger runs its course, Just remember, its only as bad as 'you' make it... So Keep coming back...
Friends in Recovery.... Missing...
__________________
Forgiveness- Isn't about forgettingwhat happened,its about Giving Up,All Hope,of a Better Past!
One of my favorite sayings is: "What others think of me is none of my business."
It's simple and short but so powerful if you can internalize it. You can't change people or how they think, so why carry their stuff on your shoulders? Really, why allow it to upset you? It's a waste of your energy (and sleep) to allow other people to steal your power. You know who you are and what you are about. That's all that matters.
Take care, Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
A part of the definition of alcoholism we use to read at the start of our Al-Anon meetings when I first arrived was...."Alcoholism affects everyone it comes into contact with." How can it not. I was not the only one living with the disease. They also said that each alcoholic affects up to 20 others around them. Chances are that number is under valued. I believe it is. Some people arrive at compassion for the family after realizing that information is true and others just victimize the hell out of each other and just go ahead and blow up the family all together.
I've heard it said and found it to be true in my experiences that you can always tell the spouse of an alcoholic by how angry and crazy they are. In my case you would have had to be blind and deaf not to pick me out of a cage of baboons because I was very angry and very insane. I came to understand that pointing my finger at her sisters, mother, father and other friends and associates only proved how many of us were affected by my spouse's alcoholism.
I am glad you are here. I hope you continue to come here and learn more about alcoholism and how it has touched your mind, body, spirit and emotions and the same for others. The more you learn the saner you get. The saner you get the more remote it becomes that you'll reach for the plunger that sets off the dynamite.
Do you see how she spun all kinds of stuff all about other people? Really, if Mark or his mum have been watching Josh, and they want to make different arrangements, isn't it up to them to discuss that with you? It really sounds to me like grannie is sticking her nose in, making her own decisions about what's best for everybody else (sound familiar?), with or without input from her daughter & grandson.
Frankly, since as you say they ask to watch Josh, it sounds to me like they DO want to watch him, and grannie has just come up with some chaos because that's what she knows how to deal with.
Maybe you can think up some stock phrases for grannie - that's if you choose to keep taking her calls - you don't have to, you know. Phrases like "I appreciate your concern", or "that's interesting", or even the one I have lots of trouble with, but apparently works a treat, "you might be right". And you ALWAYS have the right to say, "I'm sorry, I have to ring off now" - and do it. You do not have to stay embroiled in chaos. You are allowed to step out.
I would really suggest reading Getting them Sober. If you can get to detachment you will not have to lash out in anger. Active A's are marvels at getting those around them to take care of things. You may need these family members as a back up at some later date. Why fall out with them. Of course you want to scream it from the hilltops what you are dealing with.
Be Strategic. You need every bit of help you can get right now in your transition. Don't shut one door until another one opens for you. And yes please come here as often as possible to let it all out.
She too has been affected by this disease. When you see/hear her, picture the words SICK SICK SICK on her forehead. In order to keep this cunning and baffling disease in check, it's typical for others to blame or expect you to be the understanding one.
Will be thinking good thoughts your way, you are doing great, Maria
__________________
If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
.