The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ive always been the person telling others.. if you dont like your life change it.. I have been good at turning off emotions all my life... NOW?? my abf is living in my house we are renovating ... I am on the sam eproperty in out trailer with the kids while he starts(Monday, tommorrow) therapy with a counselor. .. to see if he can get help and then we can work on us... This website has been wonderful in some ways and scares the crap outta me in others... Its like its never over!! always coming back to bite us in the butt....
I think I am greiving.. alll I do is think.. and Ive decided I MISS WHAT WE HAD ..in the beginning when I thought we were just out having fun and social drinking... loving to be together without thinking.. has he been drinking.. is he gonna fly off the handle over "anything".. I WANT THE GOOD BACK !!
we went to eat last night just me him and our son... he was distant.. said he's feelin fine but its hard.. he's at woirk today but the normal phone calls and txts are nowhere to be found.. My step mom really hurt my feelings the other day and said.. what if he decideds he doesnt want you aftter he gets help... It floored me... He loves me... we've been thru so much and I am wantinh the "good us back" he says he wants the same.. He txts me and says please pray I can be normal...
I have a HP and He protects me.. but the confusion in my brain swarms and wont shut down !!!
Ive tried reading but cant concentrate..... IM FREAKN SCARED THAT THE MAN I FELL IN LOVE WITH IS GGONE FOREVER... Someone wrote..love isnt enough sometimes... and I guess no matter what you decide you live with heartache anyway...just get rid of the lies if leave and to get rid of them you have to miss out on all the good times too....
CAN YOU TELL IM CONFUSED ?? I keep coming back becasue readin this I know you guys are living my life and Im not alone.. thanx for always letting me vent!!
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
When I was in that place of grieveing the loss of the man I knew, I had to decide if I loved my A or if I loved the idea of what I thought he was.
His own mother loved him only for his potential and I thoght that was so sad and sick. I decided that I was going to love who he was in the moment. And I did. Unconditionally (or so I believed). But I did not get that same love in return from him. And that hurt. Alot.
Eventually, I decided that I had to love me more and do what was best for me and the kids. For me, that meant leaving. I couldn't be a saint, I refuse to be a martyr and I had spent years being a victim. I didn't like those roles and I didn't want to raise my kids to be one of those things.
Good luck and just keep comming back. It will al become clear to you in time.
Well, one thing is my counselor asks me... "What do you gain from his drinking?" You might ask that question of yourself. The answer then is a clue to what you need to do for yourself. I need some time alone. My alcoholic hubby got nervous when I started really working on myself. That book, Getting Him Sober, points this out. Get yourself healthy by working this program. You will be irresistable. Hang in there, db55
That's is what you are and fear can pretty well blow everything up. When I get back into fear I know from being here for a while that getting into faith and trust and relooking at the acronym for fear (F)alse (E)vidence (A)ppearing (R)eal helps me to get out of the confusion and doubt. What I am fearing is all about false or unreal feelings and thoughts. Its about projecting doom into the future when I'm not even dealing with right now. It is believing I am helpless and therefore the situation is hopeless....however then comes a belief in a Power Greater than Myself and the recovery program of the Al-Anon Family Groups for relatives, friends, family and associates affected by another person's alcoholic drinking.
I'd suggest you call the hotline number (white pages of your local phone book) to find either a person that will talk with you directly or the places and times for face to face meetings and then get there as quickly as you can. In the meetings you will find others just like yourself and tons of help to get you to an better place.
