The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I do not stand alone and I am not alone. Never have been!
I am solid and more contained than I ever have been in my life. Its so funny, I do not seek approval so much and am not looking for strong physical contact, don't people please, retain good boundaries, live a clean, simple life free of drama. My neediness has just disappeared and its really forced me into a whole new perspective.
This is serenity!
I am connecting with an old love, the old love of my life, really- we parted over a decade ago. While I am looking forward to seeing him again, I am looking at it as friends only because the real love of my life is HP and that can never be messed with or interfered with. I feel married/firmly committed to HP, grateful for the daily presence and dialogue with HP, protected and cared for, lovingly held and guided by HP.
I used to have this image of myself as the ultimate window-shopper- the one who could only look, watch and never touch or experience. Looking in the windows of life but never being able to have it; what I saw as others having. My therapist has really helped me to see that its my FT job to build my world and the "inside" and then invite someone in, should I choose to so so. HP & I make the world inside the windows for us, slowly, through the choices we make together. I do not need to work to get invited into other people's spaces/worlds!!
Me and HP are building our world together. Its so cool!! Have a great week! hugs, J.
"I am solid and more contained than I ever have been in my life. Its so funny, I do not seek approval so much and am not looking for strong physical contact, don't people please, retain good boundaries, live a clean, simple life free of drama. My neediness has just disappeared and its really forced me into a whole new perspective."
what a concept - I love it! I have always had HP too but putting HP first and foremost is a newer development. This has me more ok on my own now and as I look into the future which is an amazing outcome for someone like me from my family of origin. I feel so much calmer more often now but knowing there is stronger or deeper serenity out there as you write of is inspiring me to stay courageous. thanks for this share a lot!
I am so proud of your progress! and your serenity is showing!
hope & hugs, ddub
__________________
"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
I can relate to putting HP first. I am at my best when that is the order of importance of people in my life with me next (can love others if I don't know how to love myself) and then others (love them as I would have me loved). I can do this moment by moment. I have to remain fully awake while I am working it because as I have learned it's about Progress not Perfection. I was taught another definition of HP during my journey here. Humble Pie... soooo I keep coming back.
Thanks for your share. I can't. God Can. I'll let Him. (first 3 steps short hand.)
and your serenity is showing! 
