The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
humilated at work, his friend told me that he asked him for some painpills. i called him when i left work. (my a husband) i told him that i know he is an alcholic and drug addict. i asked him to just be honest with me about his abuse. he works the program. he never drinks around me. i know that doesn't make it better. but i asked him just to not put me in those situations where i look like a dumb a**. anyway, i get home, he is packing his stuff (he cleaned the kitchen and was going to cook steaks) and said that a person doesn't have to take this anymore. i left the house, i didn't want to argue. 5 years ago he left like this and was with another woman. i don't know where he is or who he is with. i am not all freaked out like i was 5 years ago. i don't know if i want him to come back, stay gone or what. he talked to me on the phone more openly than he has in the last month. i am not perfect. we are very different. i want more out of life, he is satisfied. i am sick to my stomach, not mad, not crying...just lost.
Aloha Tonya...what you're going thru doesn't feel good at least it never did for me when I went thru it. Sounds like a good time for a face to face meeting and a serious face to face with a sponsor.
They have to blame someone to justify their behavior. Leaving is the easy way out. My AHsober left. Said basically the same thing - I can't take it, you are so controlling, and on and on. Have you read the Getting Them Sober books? They show us how the A's are all the same and the games that they play. I am like you- my A is satisified with his life of Riley and me sad that it should end this way. It really isn't about us.
((((Sincerely)))) I know what you are going through hurts, at least it always has to me. The ESH I can offer is just to wait. Wait until things become clearer as to what direction you choose to follow. HP WILL show you the way in His time and His way.
I agree with Nancy, and for some odd reason it NEVER occured to me til she wrote it and it was light a lightbulb went off in my head "leaving is the easy way out"....drunk or sober........it's just easier.
I've been struggling for months with what all I did to cause EXABF to walk away, blaming myself for ALL of it......never occured to me until now that leaving was just easier for him than working it out.
Keep coming back~you'll always be "found" here with your MIP family. One day at a time Shellyj123
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
You have good replies here, I just wanted to say that I know how it feels too. I have no advice except that whatever it is you might be feeling right now and tomorrow, just feel those feelings and try not to stuff them or anything. Or experience shame for them or judge yourself in any way. Just feel. The sooner and more thoroughly you do that now, the better in the long run. Yes, its a sad sad situation, I know, I have been there too. Hugs and this too shall pass friend, J.
Thank y'all so much. He still hasn't came back. He is drinking. And he thinks I belittle him. Yes, leaving is the easy way out. I'm lonely, but i'm pretty much okay.
I am glad even thou you are sad, you are ok. Kind of sounds like you have some acceptance over the situation, and are ok with your self. I hope you keep caring for your self
Sincerely, I recognize myself greatly in your post. I am all too familiar with how it feels to have my aH leaving/abandonning me and our son and then blaming me for being such a hag to have driven him to it time and time again. It has been repetitive because I have allowed it to be, by taking him back time and time again over the past 9 years.
It has been nearly a month since our final separation. The past few days have been very very sad for me as I engage deeper and deeper with acceptance of my situation. My reality is very unpleasant right now as I let go of the "fantasy of happily ever after" with him. I have a tonne of feelings surfacing that were not being released until now and I am overwhelmed.
I trust that those wise people whom have posted to this thread are truthful when they say it is all worth it in the long run.
Dale, Thank you! You know what...in reference to acceptance, i never understood acceptance. How was I suppose to acceptance that my A Hubby made choices that knowing hurt me? Well, guess what? I am understanding acceptance. It makes sense to me know...it's not about him, its about ME!!!!! It's about taking care of ME. It's stinking hard, but I AM WORTH IT! I am so thankful for MIP & Alanon! Sincerely, Tonya
My heart goes out to you! It is hard to be in the place you are at right now. Right now it has been 4 days since my husband left. This time I am telling myself...okay, you've been here before and it didn't work. What are you going to do this time that was different from last time? Well, this time, I am trying my best to take care of me.
