The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am today, still, struggling with letting go of anger and resentment towards EXABF. I know what he did was for the best for him, and even for me now, but I can't get past the anger right now. I still love him but can NOT imagine laying eyes on him at this point. Then I think about my program and what concerns me most is I am working on Step 9 right now, I made amends to him, and did what I needed to. As far as I am in the program and with making amends to him and all shouldn't this anger and resentment be gone by now? Am I doing something wrong in my program and that is why I am feeling like this??? I just don't understand why it isn't going away. I know my HP is right beside me, I can FEEL him pull me back from the past everytime I try to go back and think about what EXABF did and said, and try to relive it all again. I can feel HIM telling me that he gave me the answer but it is up to me to listen to it..... I just wonder if I am doing something wrong in my program that is allowing me to carry this anger.......I've never been one to let go of anger when someone hurts me, but thought with the program in my life it would be easy to do......now I just feel disappointed in me.... Thanks for letting me share Shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Have you spoken with your sponsor about your feelings?? Have you thought about doing a mini-4th step on anger? It might give you some insight into who you are really angry with--I found that I was just as angry at myself as I was at my AH.
The program doesn't promise that we won't be sad, angry, resentful, fearful, etc. It simply offers us a new and different way to deal with those emotions.
It took me awhile to realize that it was okay to have those feelings and that it didn't mean that the Program wasn't working. Some hurts take time and all we can do is take it one day at a time. And, as we work the program, our recovery tools become stronger and I have found that, over time, it becomes easier to respond to those feelings in a healthy way. I try to treat them as a sign that there is something else, something there that I haven't dealt with yet. Journaling has been a great tool for me. I have been amazed at the things that have been revealed to me by just writing it all down.
Be gentle with yourself and remember to keep the focus on YOU and not the A.
Yours in recovery,
SLS
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
Some times its not about right or wrong but what you're doing or not doing. As SLS suggested recovery takes time so for now allow it to happen. You might not be letting go entirely meaning since this is a disease of the mind, body, spirit and emotions you might not be letting go on all levels. It sounds like you're wanting to but wanting to never produced results for me. Easy does it. One day at a a time. Practice, practice, practice. (The three Ps).
Keep coming back. Your's in love and service. (((((hugs)))))
