The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As some of you know, one of my sons has moved away. It's been really hard to let him go yet knowing that this is his life and he has his own higher power and I am not it. It's fine when all is going good for him but when things get rough, I go right back to the "mother worry." He's fiercely independent and wants to make it on his own, which I support and am so proud of him for. He has, however, had high blood pressure off and on again since his teenage years. My father had and my brother has high blood pressure so it is genetic. I felt like sharing a little intimate part of me with all of you which is an affirmation of this program. The below is my note to him. I can tell you that even 7 or 8 years ago, I would have never, never been able to allow him the dignity of living his own life and making his own choices. I also would have never been able to respond to him in this way, as he still snaps at me at times. I have learned that I allow him to snap at me and then tell him I love him or have to go (before he hears me crying) and each time that I do, he comes back to me a little more willing to hear my side.
yours in recovery, Maria
Dear Son,
You say you want me not to worry; you say you arent going to make any changes in your diet or take any medication and then you ask me what I think.
I think we should take care of first things first. Get your blood pressure checked again. It may have been elevated because you were sick. Have your blood pressure taken before you make any decisions about what you will and will not do. Perhaps your pressure has gone down and if thats the case, then theres no more to be done.
But Id like to share with you from my heart why it really bothers me when you are so cavalier about your health and about not taking good care of yourself.
When I found out I was pregnant with you, I was not much older than you are now. I took very good care of myself. I ate well; I took my pre-natal vitamins; I didnt drink and I didnt smoke because you were a precious gift given to me by God and I wanted to give you every chance that you would be healthy baby right from the start.
Then you were born and I nursed you because our pediatrician told us that it was the best source of nourishment for you and as a result, I became very close to you early in your infancy.
Then you became colic and cried non-stop for about 9 months. You were truly inconsolable due to your underdeveloped nervous system. I rocked you, I cuddled you, and many exhausted nights I even cried with you. See, no one else could handle your crying, so it was up to me to make you as comfortable as I could. Our pediatrician assured us that you would outgrow this and eventually you did.
Well you continued to grow and flourish and became a bouncing, happy, healthy, adorable, lovable little boy, and to a certain extent, it was due to some good choices that I made as your mother.
Yet today, you live far away. I cant fix your troubles like I could when you were a little boy. I cant protect you any more like I used to be able to. I cant even just sit still with you and rub your back and run my fingernails through your hair like I used to be able to and so I worry. Yet I know worry is like a rocking chair . . . it gives you something to do but gets you nowhere.
Now, its your turn, its your life, and I hope you will be proactive and take good care of your health because I want you in my life for the rest of my life.I may not like some of the choices you make, but I will always love you no matter what.
Love you bunches,
Mom
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
When our kids leave, it is like our hearts walking away from our body.
Just what you said about protecting him, proves you are a great mom, as you thought of him more than yourself. He needs to walk away from that protection etc. My son told me I intimidated him when he was growing up.
He just told me my best bud told him I was "fiercely protective of him and my daughter.
We have to let them go so they can figure things out. Someday he will possibly a very strong father to his children.
I sure relate Maria. Again I gotta say you are such a good mum.
Myself I had to learn though, that my mother was always going to be my mother. So when she would be "warning" me or whatever, I would say you are such a mudder.
He will always be your child, no matter how old he is. Sometimes we just have to get things out, sometimes they need to just allow that.
hugs,debilyn who now wants to call her son.... oh and thank you big time for sharing!
You, ((((((((((((((Maria))))))))))))))))))), will always be his mother and that makes it really difficult to detach and let them make of their lives what they will.
Empathise with you completely, and I know that "scurry away before he realises I am crying" act - 'cos my son cannot bear me to cry in his company or hearing.
Your letter says it all, and it is from your heart, and I am glad you have managed to write that for there is nothing wrong with telling what is in your heart.
You are a wonderful mother and I am blessed by what you have shared today.
Thank you so very much, from the bottom of my heart.
Suzannah
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
Thanks Maria-I relate so well,the early yrs and again as he got older,was such a challenge,they never knew about sleepless nights endless worries, and ultimately all you wanted was for them to grow up secure in love and be happy. I once told my son that I thought love was all my children realy needed, he answered that in the end it does. God Bless ((((hugs))) sue
You reminded me that I better hug mine more before he gets were your at... You show alot of Courage in you letter, and tons of love...You raised him right, So his HP will take it from here... Good for you for being stong enough to share your heart with him...He'll remember it...
Lovel & Hugs... Missing.
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Forgiveness- Isn't about forgettingwhat happened,its about Giving Up,All Hope,of a Better Past!
