The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So glad you are here. I have had trouble getting on the Internet. But it forces me to take care of me when there is no one to "talk" to. I am realizing some of my character defects. I won't commit, I hedge when asked a direct question, I don't communicate clearly. Not sure why. I am also realizing there is pattern to my AHsober bombing me. Some of it I think is very calculating and some of it I think is unconscious. He got up Christmas morn with our sons asleep in the house and wanted to talke about the divorce. He said I was controlling and that no one in my family liked me. He said that he couldn't do anything (like buy a car, a house, etc.) because I wouldn't sign the divorce papers. Now, this is Christmas morn. There is a pattern to this madness. I am realizing that I fall for it all the time. Well, I am getting alittle better. I met him last week to give him some of his stuff. I said have a nice weekend. He says how about buying me a cup of coffee? I said, gotta go, I am going to my meeting.
I am realizing that I am looking at not being married and not having a relationship with this man because the disease always shows up and it kills my spirit. I am realizing what my choices are and I need to start making them. I am not going to have those useless conversations with him. They just don't go anywhere except to repeat the hurt. I am realizing that without some kind of recovery program he is not going to change. I am realizing that because of Alanon my recovery is happening with or without me. Show me the way higher power.
I hear ya Nancy because I am wrestling with some of the same too. Finding I can have compassion for the A now but is that the game of hooking me back in to the madness. And that mentality of when good things happen, to remember to enjoy that rather than brace for the next hard thing that is bound to happen. Cheeeessssh! Some of this is circular thinking in my own head, some of this is from the crazy making of the A and the struggle of this riddle is keeping the focus on me anyway.
Just when I am starting to think I can not live like this, the A senses it somehow and is so nice. They are naturals at keeping us confused but I think it is great to just be aware that we are affected by being hooked back in to the dance again. That is progress too and you are making big strides in determing that you deserve a wonderful life and whatever that means to you.
Keep going ODAT because we do have choices to keep making progress and isn't it great to have MIP friends and HP to walk the journey with us. hugs, ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
great post Nancy!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE what you said about the disease showing up and killing your spirit. Great way to put it. Lots of awareness and open-eyes there!!
I have learned that with this program, the disease can show up and it won't kill my spirit. But I also learned that because of who I am and how I am, I refuse to live with the disease. I do think that life comes down to two paths- the killing of spirit (fear) or the nurturing of spirit (love) and I have done LOTS of things and made LOTS of choices to the former and not the latter over the course of my 45+ years. This is what happens when I do not place HP first. Hugs, J.
I can remember there were times when my beloved Tim would purposely "push-my-buttons" to get a reaction out of me. This was after he got sober. It would drive me crazy! I couldn't figure out what was going on. The one day I realized something. He was testing me, us and was trying to sabotage our relationship. He was so insecure that I wasn't going to stick around that he would do things to push me away. He use to do this when we were dating too. When I came to that realization, it was then that I stopped playing that game. I held my ground. The moment he started in on it, I put an end to it. I only wished I could have realized it sooner. Oh the headaches it could have saved me!
Sounds a bit like you are coming to the same place. You're doing just fine. Baby steps. That's how we get there. You'll get there. As always, we have your back. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Pia Melody describes love bombing and hate bombing pretty well in her literature on codepence. I must admit I certainly went in for the love bombing. I can also be there with the hate bombing too. I try to walk a line on those these days. I find it makes it pretty hard when I meet people who I like, I'm used to love bombing. Now I have to sit around and wait and see if they "like" me rather than making them do it.
I couldn't figure out what was going on. The one day I realized something. 
He was testing me, us and was trying to sabotage our relationship. He was so insecure that I wasn't going to stick around that he would do things to push me away. He use to do this when we were dating too. When I came to that realization, it was then that I stopped playing that game. I held my ground. The moment he started in on it, I put an end to it. I only wished I could have realized it sooner. Oh the headaches it could have saved me! 
