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Hi all, Wednesday night my AH fell, hit hihead, lost control of his bowels and couldn't get up. I called 911 and the paramedics took him to the ER. His blood alchohol ws .345! They admitted him and have been detoxing him, but may discharge him tomorrow. We met with the pstchiatrist this after noon and my AH refuses to go to an outpatient treatment program or enen AA. I know he'll start drinking as soon as he gets home. I dread him coming home - it's been so nice and peaceful with him gone except for him calling me every 10 minutes. What do I do when he comes home?
No one can tell you what to do. You do what feels right. Have you set any boundaries for yourself? If not, now is a good time while you have some peace. What will you allow in your life? What do you deem acceptable? What can you live with?
What you do ranges from setting boundaries to telling him he can't come home at all, to doing nothing. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Hang in there, Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I'm sorry to hear that your AH is progressing in his disease and not accepting of help. I can remember times myself where I have been almost grateful that my AH was in hospital and also disappointed that he refused care.
What do you do? I can't really say what you should do, but I can say that when the disease took my AH and I into our darkest hours I was very grateful for the support and fellowship of the Al-Anon program. Even though my AH has no program and may well find his ultimate rest in the loving hands of his HP, I've found that working my own program has helped me deal with things a lot better.
I used to spend a lot of time thinking of ways to get him in recovery, or protect him from harm or find some kind of solution for both of us. After 6 years of this, I've beaten my head on that wall so much, I finally get it. It's not mine to fix. I've let the solution go and I'm working on me.
Please keep coming back and know that you are not alone. Warm regards, Rocky.
I am sorry that you are in this place. What to do? Take care of yourself. Your peace of mind is the most important thing now. Live a Day at a Time, Get to a Meeting, say the serenity prayer over and over and Let Go and Let God.
((chetch)) so glad you found miracles in progress. i hope most of all you are able to find a local meeting to get to ... you need others around you now that understand. and the people of alanon can give you support and strength to get thru this time.
though i cant do anything to help my AH (active husband).. i can attend as many meetings as possible and show him that i am going ot take care of me.., lovingly, no matter the situation. in takin care of me.... doing what i know is best for me .. for my family, with loving detachment ... i am showing hope and love to him... in order to love him and care for him as my husband... i have learned to love for my self.. this way of life (using the steps) show as i go about my day...my evening. he will and does see that takin care of my self... of our selves, as adults... is best and hopefully will see that help is there for him if and when he decides.
we can not choose for them when to begin recovery, but we can show them recovery is always possible.
keep workin it your worth it! keep comin back! keep moving forward
chech the hardest thing to grasp for me was the idea to all ow them the dignity to live or die the way they choose . Please if your not going to meetings f2f already find a few right away u need support . there is nothing u can do about the choices he makes . it' s time to take care of you . I always forgot that the alcoholc in my life had ahighter power too and would take him where he needed to go . please find meetings for you. Louise
i hope most of all you are able to find a local meeting to get to ... you need others around you now that understand. and the people of alanon can give you support and strength to get thru this time. 
in order to love him and care for him as my husband... i have learned to love for my self.. 
this way of life (using the steps) show as i go about my day...my evening. he will and does see that takin care of my self... of our selves, as adults... is best and hopefully will see that help is there for him if and when he decides. 
recovery is always possible.
keep comin back!