The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Wanted to reach out and share a bit on what's going on for me in recovery.
Sometimes I feel that my progress is oh so slow and I wonder if I will ever achieve the astounding progress that I've witnessed on this board and in my home group. I can remember saying that I was faking it till I make it.
My fellow Alanoners told me that it was ok. Just keep working it.
Lately I feel that my recovery is going at warp speed. I've posted before that I felt serenity in my life more and more. I've also noticed that I'm doing much better at detaching with love, kindness and respect from the impact of the disease on my AH.
I love him so much, but cannot protect him from the disease. I still have very sad feelings about that, but I know I am not his HP. We are sharing true love for each other and I am blessed and humbled. I have this feeling that I need to embrace every day I have with him with unabashed love and care. I'm wondering why my HP is telling me to do that?
I've heard of a pink cloud and it feels like I'm on it. I can only hope my MIP family are there to catch me when I slip off.
Ride it Rocky!!!! Nothing lasts that's for sure but that is no reason to not enjoy it while it is good!!!
I remember being at a point where I took nothing for granted. I made note of the good times, the fun and the beauty that I was sharing with the A. I made sure to squeeze in lots of family outings, took lots of pictures. For me, I knew that it wasn't going to last. I knew it in my heart and I was right. It wasn't even his relapse, it was me knowing that when the relapse happened, I was done. I just knew. So, I vowed to myself to enjoy every day that I did have with him sober.
Thanks Serendipity - the crazy thing is that I feel this way and he's actively drinking. I won't say that my life is wonderful, but I don't feel so bad anymore, sometimes I even feel good.
Great Share Rocky, I know that Detachment with love is attainable and you are there. It is clear you have used the tools of alanon wisely. I always remember that this is a one day at a time program and that some days are much more dificult than others but when I continued to use this program one day at a time, focusing on myself and placing principles above personalities I can feel kindness, compasion for both myself and others.
Rocky maybe it's because this is how HP loves. Totally and without condition or reservation. It is isn't it how your HP loves you? So I learned I can't do less than what HP wills especially in this area. When I was in the inventory stage of my program and looking back at the consequences of my behaviors I knew that my HP had never abandoned me and I had never outraced my HP. Did my HP continue to love me in spite of how I behaved, thought, felt and believed? Always. Does my HP love the alcoholic just as unconditionally? Always. I didn't because I didn't know how until I was taught by others in the fellowship. You know that freedom you feel from all of the pain and hurt from taking your alcoholic's disease personally? consequence of loving unconditionally. For me when I learned to love this way the hurt went away. Loving this way doesn't mean anything like the "love" I use to talk about; the enslaving myself to life threatening situations and mind and spirit killing events. You accept him for who and what he is for the moment and are not trying to change it or him but doing something different about your reactions.
You may not be on a "pink cloud" at all. Pink clouds are temporary nice soft spots. You may have gotten this part of your recovery solid and permanent. This maybe now a fixed part of your mind, body, spirit and emotions and beliefs. Don't "project" into the future. If where you are at is where you want to be and believe you should have been all along, chances are great that you won't give it up for a n y b o d y.
Thanks for the share I'm happy for you and your alcoholic. Now he has to be even more responsible for himself. Love him anyway...what a concept!!
What many call a "Pink Cloud" is simply Gods Grace... Giving us a taste of what is in front of us on a consistent basis when we work towards our spiritual developement, let go, and be there to support eachother as we learn, grow and heal.
John
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
Be it pink, purple, orange, black or white - to me it sounds like you got your Serenity. Life on life's terms. I'm glad you have found your peace. Turning him over to his HP and detaching with love is the greatest tool of all. Addicts aren't bad people. They have a horrible disease and that takes it tole on all of us. Through this program we learn how to live with it and do what is best for us. Enjoy the Serenity. Hug hubby for me and tell him both of your are in my prayers as always. Much love to Midnight too. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
