The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I wanted to take a minute and Thank everyone who responded to my post yesterday....Sometimes, like yesterday, I forget that I am sick to......just as much if not more than the former alcoholic in my life, and again will continue to pick and choose the same type of men in my life as long as I am. Until I fix me and walk back into my life (thank you Jerry) and jump out from in front of the train (thanks RLC) I am just going to continue to put my happiness in someone elses hands. ExABF hurt me in more ways than one, and I allowed him a SECOND chance to do it all again-WHY??? Because I am sick and I am a codependant. He doesn't deserve me, never did, and I will not allow him to decide my future for me (thanks missingout). I'm on my way back MIP family.......slow and steady........still hurting, still crying, still wishing, stilll VERY angry, but most of all Hoping and praying and opening my ears to my HP and giving Him the opportunity to decide what is best for me......Why do I always think I know better than Him???? thank you all sooooooooo very much... Shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
I don't know that I call being codependent sick. I think personally boundary learning is hard going. I have to constantly watch those boundaries and work on them.
I think I never really did not know boundaries and now I have a clearer idea on them I do better.
When I first came into Al-Anon, my sponsor told me (repeatedly) to be gentle with myself and to remember to take it (everything) one day at a time. It is not just a slogan, but a way of life for me. The other saying that keeps me going is "progress not perfection." We are human. We have faults. We get tired and lonely (and hungry and angry/afraid...HALT). That's when the wheels seem to fall off and it all seems so pointless. But that is the disease talking--those old tapes that play in the background telling us that we are worthless and not deserving of the love of another or even of our HP.
When those days hit me (with more force sometimes than I would have thought possible), all I can do is take a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other and start over. Step 1. I revisit it frequently. In fact, I am struggling with that very issue this week. So, it really should not surprise me that I happened to sign up to lead my home group meeting tonight and it is a Step 1 meeting. It always seems to work out that way, doesn't it??
Hang in there and keep coming back. This program really does work if you work it.
Yours in recovery,
SLS
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
