The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My question is how do you get past the ups and downs in your life. I know all about reading and praying to my God but I always seem to get into a slump just when I know he is drinking or gambling. Yesterday, I was at work until after 7 and missed my f to f meeting again. Its been about 3 months because of the holidays an company...I was ready to go yesterday but was very delayed at work. Anyway, I need to pull myself out of this funk I get in everytime an occasion happens. I came home yesterday and started reading my blue book for Alanon, it helped but today I feel blue again. Its the same promises and the same goals that my A proclaims everytime he becomes sober, but it happens again and again and again. Today he said he is going to start painting but he is said he was going to start painting and fix up the house for years. I know he is depressed and have asked him to get help but he won't. Help me to help myself get out of this funk.
The steps help alot. Working with a sponsor makes a huge difference. Continuing to work the steps give my life focus and work through the problems life presents. It also teaches me how to live with the problems i can't change.
Personally I have to have an action plan every day of what I am doing to get better. For me when I am depressed its a signal I need to take a lot more action in my life. I act "as if" rather than from my emotions.
I use to tell work and gatherings that I "had an emergency or an appointment I just couldn't break" so that I would make a meeting. It was true for me. That way I rarely missed a meeting. I don't have to tell them my story in order to justify getting help for myself. Kinda like a doctor's appointment.
I agree with Jerry - you need to make it a priority to get to that meeting. I guard carefully the time slot of my weekly meeting - about the only "excuse" I give myself not to go is if I am out of town! I mean what is more important than our recovery, health, peace, serenity? The answer I am coming to is "nothing" though it has taken me a long time to get to that realization.
P.S. I have a full workweek, too, including fairly frequent business travel, so I got around that issue by choosing a meeting that is on Saturday mornings !
Also agree with Tiger - working the Steps helps give me focus, a program, a structure. It took me almost a year and a half in Alanon before I found a sponsor, but that has also helped a great deal.
Like you I am currently living with an active drinker (my AW) and she is not in a program or seeking recovery, so I can relate to the ups and downs.... though doing the things I mentioned above helps me a great deal, to focus on myself and not the A.
Another resource is to look at really learning how to detach. In meetings people will talk about detaching and using different tools. Some people use the tool of not interacting with the A when t hey are drunk (which for some of course may be 24/7). Other people learn to detach day in day out. I have to work really hard on detaching I didn't want to but after a while it got much easier.
Good Morning to all