The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As I said in my last post went to the A's mother's house last night and the A was there. Had 300 in my wallet. Left my purse in car and thought I locked it. Apparently not. This morning when I went to deposit in bank realized that I only had 140.00. Someone had taken 160.00 out hmmm... He was outside on the phone, etc, at certain points in the night. Also, if it were a stranger surely they would have taken all of it plus my debit card. I think he just left a little so I would think I lost or spent the rest. ahh...doubt. In addition, his brother was there for a minute or two and also has a history of this sort of thing. Told his mom we would not be back on Tuesdays while he was there. She told me she was going to let him hear the message that I left her saying that, etc. Fine. I also told her I was going to file a police report and I did. A detective is supposed to call me back in 48 hours. I cannot prove it was him, but when asked if I have suspects I will list all that were there. I'm sure if they pull his record they can connect the dots. I don't know what I feel right now. Thanks for your support.
(((Codependent))) I have had this very same prob. with my Abrother, He has taken checks, "Got Caught" and the last time it was cash... Well Lets just say, I know longer allow myself to loose sight of my money when my brother is around, if i have to strap it to my ass... lol... If he is in my house, I am on his heals. only because the trust if GONE... its been gone for some time now... This program has helped me with dealing with the A's in my life, and how to "except the things I can not change"... That is were I am now...
I pray that you take care of you thru all this, and keep working your program... Go Luck... Keep coming back... Missing Out
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Forgiveness- Isn't about forgettingwhat happened,its about Giving Up,All Hope,of a Better Past!
Yeah, doing these things are so tough. But, believe it or not, it's the best thing you can do, because consequences...well they hold people accountable.
For me personally boundaries are the tough one. When people are dumping on me I don't necessarily see it. I also go back to talking to and interacting with people who are not necessarily acting better on their behalf. I know full well you are very attached to the A and his mother and the whole scenario. I know full well also how hard it is to go on to other people in your life. After all you have invested so much in this situation. At the same time, for some of us the red flags have to be like huge banners we are constantly going through again and again before we stop.
I'm sure you are angry, hurt, upset and confused by the A's behavior. At the same time for me personally before I would stop interacting with the A he had to fleece me of everything I had. I kept going back to he needed me. I kept being an ambulance chaser and believing only I could save him. I kept getting hooked back in by his entourage. To get out of that took supreme effort on my part and I had to lean heavily on lots of people to do that.
I hope you will choose to look at your boundaries carefully and look at that you need to re-set them now and work on ways to set lots of distance from the A, lots of self care for yourself and bring new people into your life (knowing full well how hard that is).
Filing a police report on a family member is a difficult situation to be in. I had to do this with my son and at the time I was so angry that I didn't think twice.
When the incident happened (he robbed our home) I spoke to my sponsor about what to do. The question she asked me gave me my answer. She said "what would you do if it were a total stranger?" I stuck with it and did not back down. It still angers me and even though I have come to the point that I can allow him back in our home, I don't allow him here when we are not going to be here and I do still four years later hide my medications and jewelry when I know he will be here.
Trust is a great thing but once broken it takes a very long time to regain it.
Hang in there you did the right thing.
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
Reminds me of the time I moved out and a month and a half later while I was in DC with the kids my ex got out of jail, broke into my new house, made himself at home, even called me like that was ok, stole the $100 he had just given me for child support and a leather jacket I loved and left... I didn't want to get him in trouble by calling the police. Wow was I a sick pup back then!!!!!!
