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Hi All, I haven't been on in a while, as things were better for a while. My AH has begun to drink VERY Heavily again. He's now buying Vodka by the case now and keeps it in the trunk of his car (which is in my name) and the key in his pocket, as he is afraid I will dump his booze down the sink. The last couple of weeks he is passed out when I get home at 6:00p.m. This weekend he was only semi conscious all weekend. He won't eat and wants to go to bed at 7:00. Last night he took the dogs out and managed to loose his glasses in the process. He can't walk after he's been drinking and I am afraid he's going to fall and break his neck. Last night he fell and broke a Tiffany stained glass lamp that was my grandmother's. No appology. He cut his forehead very badly and bled all over the bedding. Now he's lost bhis car key. He refuses to admit that he has a problem. He's pale and has lost a lot of weight. I don't know what to do.
Just wanted to reach out to say how sorry I am that you and your AH are going through this.
The disease of alcoholism is horrible. It doesn't care who it takes and who it hurts. I understand your fear.
Chetch, I took a moment to read through your prior posts and can see that you have been on a terrible journey with your AH and this disease. There are already many consequences on his job, your marriage and his legal standing. I too have an AH that is literally drinking himself to death. We have suffered similar consequences to those you have mentioned in the past. My AH has also begun to suffer medical consequences with many broken bones, a stroke that almost took him away and now seizures. A true reminder of the strength of the disease.
In my own experience, I've learned that I cannot save him from his disease. I've tried to step in front of the train many many times, only to fail over and over. Only he and his HP can do so. What I am doing is focusing on myself, trying to stay as sane as I can for our teenage son and myself. I lived in an extreme state of panic about what he was doing to himself, but now that I look back I cannot believe how far I have come, even though his circumstances are the same, if not worse. The difference has been my attendance at face-to-face meetings, lots of reading and working my program steps. I'm not going to say that I don't have my tough times, there are many. But I find that I recover faster and with my dignity intact more and more. Thanks to my program and my HP.
Reading back my last paragraph, I can guess you're thinking...Oh, thanks! That really helps! LOL I sound like a zealot! I guess I just want to share my hope with you. There is hope, you will feel happiness again, you deserve, and will have good in your life again.
When I was at the end of my rope, totally panicked, the best thing for me was to go to a Beginners meeting and cry my eyes out. So many came to hug me, help me take one day at a time and help me know that I'm not alone.
Sounds like he is "end stage" from my experience. You can call the para- medics anytime without guilt or shame. There are lots of poisons a person could be under also that we would finally be justified in calling for emergency help. Alcoholism/alcohol is a "toxic" chemical. Meaning that it poisons a person consuming it. I have in the past got over the idea "Well it's her or his personal choice" and dialed 911 emergency. One of the times the operator told me that I seemed to understand more than most about abusive/addictive drinking. No need to response just waited at the sidewalk in my car as the ambulance rolled around the corner lights and all. I can never know how that all came about. I do know that someone who was "under the influence" of a toxic chemical was in the hands of professionals that knew how to handle poisonings.
It was what I could do at the time; a "next right thing". It's what I did and then went on my way. I think HP was okay with how it was handled. Seems more like what "HP's will" was at the time.
Hoping for the best for you and for your alcoholic. (((((hugs)))))
Thanks for all your support and good advise. It keepsme semi-sane to come here and vent. My AH was on the couch passed out when I got home from work and there he remains. Thanks again.
well if it were me the first thing I would do is get the insurance out of my name , gawwwwwd what a nightmare . There is nothing u can do about him I hope u are attending meetings for yourself u need support please take care of you . My husb reached the state u speak about his body started to atrified his skin hung on him like an old sweater , scarry stuff , tho told by his doc he would die if he didn't stop he continued to drink for 2 m ore yrs and almost died . one day he said this is just too damn hard he was so sick , and wasnt dying fast enough he decided to try sober that was 19 yrs ago now . body is amazing thing it h eals very quickly when given the chance , remember to allow them the dignity to live or die the way they choose . not easy I know but there is truly nothing u can do about him . Hugs Louise
It is so heartbreaking to watch someone you love waste away like that. The hardest thing I had to do was watch my beloved Tim do that. I wanted and prayed that he would get sober. He was able to do that on and off. I couldn't make him better. It was his choice. Like Abbyal said, allow him that diginity. No matter where that choice may lead him.
Having said that, I strongly urge you to get to some meetings. Coming here is awesome, doing the online meetings help too. But there is something to be said for getting to a face to face meeting. For one, it gets you out of the house. Most importantly it gets you with people who can help you. Your program is so important to you at this time.
Do switch the insurance to his name. I never had the car in my name. I made it clear that it was his responsibility. That was a boundary I strongly enforced. You should not be responsible for him. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I certainly was there with having an A who drank and drove. I know how hearbreaking that is. I paid for the insurance on the car. I wish I had now had the courage to go and take the car with me. I can certainly understand the heartbreak, rage, sense of helplnessness you are going through.
One book I would thoroughly recommend is to read Getting them Sober by Toby Rice Drew. i found the entire series very helpful.
This board can be a goldmine. I have been here for a few years. I know it is my "home" and I no longer live with an active A.
