The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
What serenity means to me...it means I'm in a state of mind that allows me to be free of the hurt, anger and resentments that could so easily comsume my every moment. I have one very bad habit that lerks daily to steal that peace of mind. I have a tendancy to resight back over and over in my head my disappointment in a family member by marriage, who by self admission loves to control others... in fact I allow her nastiness to consume my mind and I loose focus on what is real. Coming to the understanding ......She will be who she is... she will say what she will say... and her nastiness doesn't have to be my truth... spares me alot of times I realize I play her words out in my mind for fear it's true. Often times that exercise can cause it to be true I was never enough, could never reach her standards, that's her cruelty upon me. I don't have to buy into the meanness I have a right to take care of my thoughts and discover the true me I have with this program step 4 to realize where my strengths and weaknesses are I don't need an ugly person resighting their hate on to me it's my choice it's not my truth. I can't go back and undo all the saddness, we are only given today.....as others have said, that's why it's called the present. I don't have to measure up to anyone elses expectations with healthy people and gentle prayers and plenty of reading and hard work... I can come out of that dark place sure it's gonna come in baby steps cause it took me a long time to get where I am so I can at least give thought to today and do my ever lovin' best to be my best me ! That's what serenity means to me, that's what gathering my self esteem back shows me. That's how I can work this one day at a time.
One disbelief from early program was "It doesn't happen to me without my permission." I didn't agree whole-heartedly and no only did I object any time I heard that I kept stacking resentments on it. Then I realized that what was being said was true. When I turned around and saw that new, tall pile of resentments it was because I was allowing people, places and things to make me angry. I was resisting other members belief rather than just letting go and letting God. I keep focusing on taking care of the good for me.
One of the many things I've read or heard that helped me with understanding this thing I seek called Serenity is the quote that says something like "Serenity is not absence of the Storm, it is finding calm within the Storm".
Not sure if I got that quote right, and I'm sorry that I don't have the source of the quote, but I find it helpful to continually remind myself that with all of life's challenges, the "storm" may never really go away.... but I can seek to find a calm place while the storm rages.....
