The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have not now spoken to the ex A in one year. He still calls. I am realizing now he calls because he just sees me as another person who he can "con" for some money or whatever to buy drugs. I am just one more on the list.
I used to think that he was interested in how the dogs were. I also used to think at some point he wanted to apologize. I realise now listening to the voice mail he is just "jonesing" for his drug (whatever it is) and wants to con someone out of money. Of course I have not spoken to him for more than a year now and he hasn't managed to get any money out of me.
So now I'm just one more person on the list he calls. No doubt he is successful somewhere else in getting what he needs.
I'm so comforted by one thing I learned from the "Intervention" program. When an addict is in their "disease" they choose the drug. The ex A is still choosing his drug. I have no need to say anything at all to him. Remonstrating, arguing, raging does nothing for him. All that is on his mind is how to get his next fix.
I have to really work on detaching so I am not annoyed by the phone calls. I'm certainly not going to speak to him as I have nothing left to say.
Maresie, I can appreciate your growth in this program, and I know it has been slow and frustrating for you at times. I truly appreciate every one of your shares you post here. I just wanted you to know that.
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
Maresie, good for you. Just think everytime he calls you are letting him hear your music, the old Simon and Garfunkel classic,"The Sound Of Silence". Silence is golden and that is all he deserves from you. As you say often-------Detach, Detach, Detach.
Keep on working your program for YOU. I watched alot of episodes from Intervention on television and I took what I wanted and left the rest. But, I sure learned alot from seeing the other people's lives. The word Lost the alcoholic caught my eye. Did you really lose the A or do they just show up when it is convenient to them as your post talked about? As long as the disease is active, they are very selfish and yes, I agree you are working your program well and so keep up the good work! cdb
Geez, I wonder what that would feel like- to actually lose all the A's around me!!! I have a lot of them. And I must say, that I do love some of them very very much. But I do need to keep them at arms length, for sure. I think this is the key- moderation.
I will never marry one (or anyone for that matter!!) or live with one.
But that does not mean that I won't have any around me or love them.
Thanks to this program, its a serene place to be. Hugs, J.
I used to have times when I really invested in that he didn't call for a long long time. I'm starting to look at my investing so much in that things have to go right is not a good way to live. This guy is out for money to buy drugs, of course he is going to try all his options. The option to call me is lose lose. I don't answer the phone, I don't reply. He gets dead air.
