Hello Friends :) Finally, I feel like I am walking the walk while listening to my higher power who for me is God. It did help to leave the site and go into other aspects of my 12 step work that were needed in order to have a solid and firm recovery. These were face to face situations too and not only online. This past month has been a tremendous trial for me. I was called to my parent's town for most of the month while my dad spent 3 different times in the hospital. Two of those times he was on his death bed with a pastor reading him his last rights. When my mom finally got to the hospital (she has alzheimers) tears ran down my dad's eyes. Thank God he did not die! Technology seems to be just one baby step ahead of him to keep him alive. My mom won't let anyone else but me take care of her either which does make it difficult on me. But, I do feel blessed to be the one to be there with them through this time in their lives. I have had over 3 years now to see what my dad has in him that keeps him alive and fighting. In Alanon we have sayings to help us and one he compares to the AA, Alanon ones is what he learned in the Navy when he was only 16. It is, what will be will be. He lives for the moment and for the here and now and doesn't dwell in the past or worry about the future. He has been a vuluable source in reaffirming my 12 step program. I just don't know what I will do without him or my mom when they pass. My mom shows such strength in her battle with alzhiemers disease too. I just know I have inside of me what they have in them. And if my daughter can cope and rely on her 12 step program meetings and learnings then so can I. We have such a great relationship now. It wasn't that long ago that I was in my shower praying to God to take my life and make her not be an alcoholic. I was so serious and the feelings were so deep after she was in trouble with the law so many times and so out of control. I felt the traumatic events would never come to an end and she would end up in prison or dead.
My daughter has had many fellow AA, NA friends take their own lives or get killed since she began treatment some 4 or 5 years ago. What a deadly disease this is and nothing to make light of. I pray for the people that have passed as I knew many of them too.
I just know that there is proof in my family that things can change and we can have a happier sober life if we stick with the program tools and keep going to meetings and keep up with our sponsors too. I feel I have been prepared for hard things to come such as my parents passing on and their current illnesses. I feel stronger and I see how every bit of what I went trough was some plan so I can also be a survivor. This is in fact a family disease that in our case goes back generations to generations on all sides of our families. 
Wishing all of you the best in your journey and remember to NOT Give up. We do not know what is in the future, but I can say that great things and blessings will be there for us in some ways if we just follow our own program and work on us. cdb

-- Edited by cdb19 at 07:30, 2009-01-09