The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had not really been thinking about it at all but then looked at the date and there was something familiar about it...geesh!
Well, I knew you guys would understand the complication of this- the good memories/thoughts and the grief of the loss of it, etc. back and forth a little but not really too much. I feel OK. I certainly do not feel bad and that is all that matters!
I am finding that this middle ground is good. Not feeling too strongly about much of anything except keeping the focus on me- now that I feel strongly about! That and attending meetings as often as I can (a couple x per week).
Last year, what a mess, I was so upset about my anniversary. I was so upset about everything. Thanks for this program!!! I am such a grateful member! Hugs, J.
Well dear, that is a great sign of the recovery and healing and a true marker that you are moving on. Guess most of us could relate to this, one way or another. I do not think about the coulda woulda shoulda used to as it requires me to look BACK.
So Jean, keep on moving forward and do not look back, look at this time this year and realise the wonder of your journey to date. The only thing about "rain checking" that is good, is when one recognises that one is in a much better place just as you have identified.
I notice too that you do not whine as you used to when I first came here. You are so much more positive and not the poor me girl. Such a lot of recovery can be witnessed in your posts nowadays.
Don't you just love it when you witness that sort of journey? I do.
Good on you girl. Suzannah
__________________
Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
Good for you, you're doing so well and have come such a long way. I, too, am very grateful for this board and owe such a lot to the wisdom found in the posts.
I have been through 4 of those "ex-anniversaries" now. Each successive one has been less noticable until this last year I didn't even think about it until the day after! These days when I think about those kind of milestones..anniversaries, birthdays, etc.., I try to focus on something positive I remember about those days. I do this not to mask any pain, regret, anger etc. but to honor the good things that have always been present in my life even in the worst of days of living within the family disease of alcoholism.
Have a great day my friend!
It is such a gift to have you in our family, watching you grow and growing right along with you!
progress not perfection just because this is the sane way to think it ~ there is no such thing as perfection .. it does not exist except for preprogram .. this was a huge awareness for me because it showed me the true distortion of my thoughts preprogram ..
coming here is a wonderful way of letting go .. i know for me with the stages of grief in general, there is no time limit with what i find myself walking through relationship wise ... there is the anger, the sadness, the resentment, and then the new awareness and acceptance slowly comes .. i was just saying to my sponsor recently how really this entire process of the steps is a process of grief as in order to learn something new, we need to let go of a piece of our past forever .. change never comes without chaos but we usually find the changes are always better ..
alanon is the First place i was able to let go and let god .. i remember learning in a meeting as the cloud parting epiphany .. i used to hang on to Everything but i realized i had already begun to let go just by walking through the doors and sharing .. my hp can only heal what i let go of and bring to these rooms through my own self honesty .. at least with the new changes, we are led into sanity rather than deeper insanity ..
i remember for myself what really helped me personally was when i used to think if my A ever left me, he would find someone or something so much better and finally share with them basically all the gifts we find in these programs.. as if he would suddenly become sane and spread serenity wherever he walked .. i finally recognized that it's an ism and will never be a wasm .. the sad part for me to realize is yes, there are those who will accept him exactly as he is .. Chaos .. that's what attracted me too in the beginning .. but sooner or later the chaos leads to insanity and unfortunately what we look for we find .. if we look for serenity, we will find it because we are looking for it .. if we look for chaos and insanity, we will find that too .. what always helps me is the reminder that when i find myself thinking of us apart and saying to myself but i feel like i've known him my whole life, I have to remember I have ~ i've known the disease ..
at this point, for us, we aren't totally apart anymore yet we aren't totally together either but we will be apart coming up for quite some time as he's gotten himself into trouble. i wouldn't be associating with him today at this point but the trouble was something that stemmed from a few years back and since then he has been working the AA steps with a sponsor, therefore, i've decided to accept the outcome and let things unfold as they will through one day at a time .. either way, i accept that i do know after step 3 .. absolutely nothing happens in gods world by mistake .. we're right where we're supposed to be .. it's not what i will do because guaranteed i will make a mess .. all my choices in life led me to become completely unmanageable but it's what my hp will do, he will lead me toward serenity, courage, hope, unity, wisdom, and all of the gifts of this wonderful program.. therefore, i am reaching the point where i'm becoming entirely ready to pray only for the knowledge of his will and the power to carry it out ..
if i can't decide, on my own, when i hear a message and if i have to hear it about 10 times before i finally absorb it in my heart, then i know i am completely powerless over my recovery and something much bigger really is in charge ..
Much serenity, Hope
glad you made it through ok .. this also reminds me that many times i've found mysellf on a certain day .. example Christmas 2009, but have really had to pull myself into focus as in clearer thinking as it's been easy for me to be in Christmas 2003, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8 at the same time .. that's alot to take on in just this one day .. the progress is when i can be in 2009 and only remember Christmas 2008 next time around .. i love one day at a time because i get to choose which One day i will be in today .. at least today, if i do have a slip and get stuck in more than one event in the moment, i know i don't have to stay stuck there alone ~ as long as i have all of you ..
-- Edited by hope for me n you at 10:22, 2009-01-09
-- Edited by hope for me n you at 10:24, 2009-01-09
My anniversary is the same day as my friend's birthday. So, it is no longer my anniversay, it is her birthday.
When I remember my wedding day, I remember my ex telling me my hair looked stupid. I remember how beautiful I felt and I was really shocked that he didn't think so also. And that was how it was to be for the following 12 years.
No regrets. But here's a (((((((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))). No one sid you couldn't still celebrate....go do something really special for yourself!!!!
Thanks you guys, you know it may be old age but I pretty much forgot it again most of the day- HA! One of the advantages of aging- forgetting ALL of it!
Yes, there were some very nice memories and actually my wedding day was one of the coolest days of my life- it was a really really great wedding! I loved that wedding and nothing can make me not love it. Its a beautiful memory and so much fun with family and friends that I still have most of, today.
It would have been 7 years.
Ok, good night and god bless you all for being such a meaningful part of my recovery. Hugs, J.
You know I had an experience this week where I was around a couple full of codependence and substance abuse issues. I got a full frontal on the denial and the stickiness of the situation. I can see how so many couples just stay in that morass their whole lives. I am so glad you got free but more than that you were willing to look at your issues. We could all spend our whole lives saying its him! Really I am having to look at when I am around people who use substances there are so many issues that become poison to me. I have to be so super boundaried.
I think its so impressive you can view the issue without tragedy, drama or feeilng sorry for yourself.
I know times are hard for you and you could so easily sucumb to that.
These days when I think about those kind of milestones..anniversaries, birthdays, etc.., I try to focus on something positive I remember about those days. I do this not to mask any pain, regret, anger etc. but to honor the good things that have always been present in my life even in the worst of days of living within the family disease of alcoholism.
i finally recognized that it's an ism and will never be a wasm .. 
the sad part for me to realize is yes, there are those who will accept him exactly as he is .. Chaos .. that's what attracted me too in the beginning .. but sooner or later the chaos leads to insanity and unfortunately what we look for we find .. if we look for serenity, we will find it because we are looking for it .. if we look for chaos and insanity, we will find that too .. what always helps me is the reminder that when i find myself thinking of us apart and saying to myself but i feel like i've known him my whole life, I have to remember I have ~ i've known the disease .. 