The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Cannot believe a year has passed since I sent in my papers and yet it has and in just ten days time my appeal takes place.
Another year of barely making ends meet, and yet I have survived it with the help of caring friends who have rallied to my side.
Today, yet again my friend and I sat through ANOTHER gruelling session to prepare a submission that should have been submitted ten months ago by my Adviser (me and my friend both felt let down and sad today), but for one reason or another it has been stopped, not done, delayed and delayed and reschedulled over and over dragging out the whole process and making me have to go over and over the past time and time again, which is negative and depressing.
I just felt all the evil forces of beaurocracy have been working against me further and I am tired, really tired. And my friend felt so frustrated and helpless and wondered why we had attended SIX appointments to get this submission done, without success until today.
The eleventh hour! And we both left thinking it just might be TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE.
Gee gads, it really is going to be a battle of right versuses wrong now and will require every ounce of my trust and faith and courage, and letting go for I can do nothing more until the actual Appeal sitting and that is almost too scarey to think about and face. However face it I must and I have to keep my serenity and belief in my higher power that ALL WILL BE WELL.
Sick of feeling I am forever being tested, and yet I can do no other than go with the flow. Do I hate beaurocracy? YES I DO. And do I want to lay myself open to further minute interrogation? NO I DO NOT. I just do not want to feel ashamed anymore, or a failure, or a hopeless case of inability to provide and fend for myself because of my disabilities, most of which are as a result of injury inflicted on me by my XAH over the twenty five years we were together and married.
Can I find the compassion not to get angry and not to let it all take me down? Well that is the question. What do you think?
I am just plain worn out. Been there, done that so many times it is a case of JUST ONE MORE TIME.....AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,
Thank you for letting me shout and scream and be angry in safety. Looking at this, through rose tinted glasses in order to deal with it, hence the colour I have used. I got to laugh otherwise I would be in tears. LOL Suzannah
-- Edited by Suzannah at 20:13, 2009-01-06
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
Hey Suz... Just meeting you I don't know your whole story, but I can tell you that you will make it, you have encouraged me and I am sure many others, in to holding our head up and keep chug'n on, and I too am one that laughs when I feel like cry'n... so I SOOOO get that one, If you ever want to chat you know were to find me... Till then hold your chin up, cause it sounds like you are on the down side of what sounds to be a Long Journey... So you go girl I know you can make it to the finish line...
(((((Suzannah)))))
Missing Out
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Forgiveness- Isn't about forgettingwhat happened,its about Giving Up,All Hope,of a Better Past!
You know personally I have to really super super watch going to "poor me". I know that is probably pretty hard to hear. Poor me is deadly to me. I have to really look at every day what can I do for me. Of course life requires a great deal of patience and perseverance. Many of us are in places where we think what more can I take. I try to be in acceptance every day I also try to be in a place where I am looking at what's the timeline for moving on. For many of us living around an alcoholic is devastaing. Some people take years and years to get to a better place. The issue is you are moving to a better place, you are examining your behavior, you are taking care of yourself no matter what. Remember that.
Oh boy, do I know what you mean about bureacracy, I am going through a nightmare at the moment and cannot do a thing about it as if I push anything I will make things lots worse, every day I get the post, its painful as it financially effects my life. I have to leave it in HPs hands,
