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My apparently sober AH came home from the halfway house last week. He said he was laid-off at his job? Hmmm... I had told him repeatedly I was not ready to try to live with him yet, and that's why he was staying at the halfway house after rehab (second time through). I have been looking for a place of my own, but it looks like I can afford everything but rent...lol. Ah, well... Anyway, I came home from work this morning, and he left me a note that basically said he wants everything to go back to normal and us be a happy family again. I asked him about it, and he said it's that or divorce. Hmmm... Is this the game of being rejected by a reject? He says he can't wait on me forever. I hardly call four months forever...much less enough time for me to heal and find my true self after what I've been through. The love is still not there, but I do have to give him credit for not being an ahole since he's been back. I have noticed possible signs of him being a dry drunk...but, I'm not entirely sure. He has been spying, or attempting to spy, on me by getting my e-mail and myspace passwords... Hmmm... That's not cool. I hope he's happy with the nothing he found. Thanks in advance for listening, and I wish all a productive new year!
I can empathise. I am 2 years out from leaving the ex A. I am in a real financial predicament especially with the economy. I got plenty of either or ultimatum's from the ex A. I learned not to take them personally. I have to say I t hink its pretty hard to be around people who are demanding now. I think some days I want to get in a hole and close it behind me.
I hope you will do all you can to take care of you. You don't have to make a commitment just yet to him. You can ask for more time. Of course I know the ex A I was involved with demanded commitment from me and gave none in return. I pretty much always caved until I got really clear on detachment.
Well the focus does not need to be on him but on you. I spent years arranging everything for the ex A. Now I spend all my time on me and still there are lots of needs that go unmet. Maresie.
Pantera... I'm with Maresie, sounds to me as tho he hasn't changed to much if he is already telling you what "He" wants, This program as taught me in such as short time that if you don't take care of you then you will never find your HP and your strength to be the person (YOU) want, not him... He is not the leader of your life, YOU ARE... Good Luck
Missing Out
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Forgiveness- Isn't about forgettingwhat happened,its about Giving Up,All Hope,of a Better Past!
One of the things I learned in early program was that the quality of an Alcoholics sobriety (not dryness) can be measured between how long they drank versus how long they have been in serious recovery. That was very good information for me because my expectations were that she should be normal a couple of days after she stopped drinking.
The is soooo much to learn and that is why the program and face to face meetings and all of the growth suggestions are very important otherwise we also stay a part of the problem.
Thanks a lot guys. Well, I guess he is no longer sober. He bought some more alcohol in the last day or two. I found it when I was checking the balances of our bank accounts. I thought I noticed some familiar mannarisms going on yesterday... I gotta leave soon whether I can afford it or not. Each time he tries to quit he is more and more of an a$$ and more violent. I'm not going to do this, especially with a small child.
Pantera, take care and know that HP will have you and your small child in the palm of his hand whatever you decide to do- keep your eye on the prize and HP will provide the ways and means. Hugs, J.
the ex A who I was with was violent. I do think the disease is progressive. I also think personally it takes much courage to give up and let go. I wish you much success. I know I needed a great deal of support to move on.
