The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Put my main house up for rent, next day the septic pump to drainfield died.
$500-$900. Went to AH's court. Found out he has cancer, oral cancer. Was given a months extension to do his chemo etc. LIke he will make it. He then goes to prison.
I cannot imagine him living thru this to go to prison, then to die in prison from the cancer.
Not my call. I caught him in the hall and gave him a big hug. Told him and her if I can do anything, even though I know you won't, let me know.
What has this man not gone thru in his life?
I have my hp. he has nothing.How can one survive with no hp?
The septic thing? I put it in HP's hands... welll that did not sound nice eh?
sheesh. But my AH, may HP bless him. My Hp, is Jehovah, Yaweh however you say his name. I pray to Jehovah to soften his path.
thank you for listening.
Addiction still has me struggling financially. I am hanging by a thread. One day at a time, give it all to hp. Do what I can and hp brings the outcome.
Am doing my best to eat. My body is shrinking, and the digestive disease is flared up.
sounds like a great deal of stress to me. I know the ex A I was invovled with has severe health issues. I used to let it snow me. He has many many resources for it. I don't have such issues for my health issues, is he concerned about them, nope, never was. At one time he offered to marry me so I would have access to health coverage by then it was too late.
I really have to look at these days when I offer help. I am very very limited.
I am familiar with feeling snowed under. This particular time of year it seems to come up a lot I hope you have people around who can help you.
debilyn...Sounds as tho your plate is quite full, but your possitive thoughts are keeping up pretty good... You sound as tho a strong person that has been down a long road, but keeping just taking one step at a time, and one minute at a time, and you will pull thru... We are all here for one another, and thanks for sharing your troubles with the rest of us... I know for me, you may not think... but you help me realize... that I too... Will be ok...
Thanks so much for your share.... ((((Debilyn))))
Missing Out...
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Forgiveness- Isn't about forgettingwhat happened,its about Giving Up,All Hope,of a Better Past!
You know, I could never gotten this far with out MIP. That means its Al Anon skills and guides and most important the Al Anon brothers and sisters.
My doctor told me a long time ago when my first H died,"Life is so hard, no one gets out alive."
I wonder what makes some people have a relatively smooth life, and others seem to go through everything.
I had a wonderful childhood. When my life went sour, was when my AH got drafted clear back in 1971.
Mixed my whole path up big time. Then I married my first husband as I was pg with my AH's child. Crazy eh? Back then during the Viet Nam war life was upside down.
I was torn between two beautiful men for years. Sadly my first husband was killed.
Many years later I married my AH. He was clean and sober, on a strong program. A kid who was along with his family beaten and abused until he went into the service at eighteen.Been thru a horrendous war, pulled himself up and was doing well.
Married me, then a brain tumor surgery, took him away mentally.
Now he gets to look forward to cancer treatment and prison.
I can't help it. I feel so broken inside. He has been part of me forever. Its crazy. After all the stuff his disease put me though, I still am one person with him.
I don't want him to go thru this.
I know I am venting. thank you for saying I am strong. Not sure what that means. All I know is I refuse to allow the "bad one" pull me down. as long as I can move things will be ok becuz hp is there always.
Really need words, I appreciate responses.
The septic thing, it will be ok becuz hp always makes it so. With his help, it is all figured out how to pay for it. No surprise to me becuz when a person has faith, it is expected things will be ok. If I did not expect it, then that would mean I did not believe in faith in my hp. I never doubt him, never.
As far as my AH, it is sure out of my hands. all I can do is pray and hope he will allow me to help him to have faith that there is soooo much more coming to this world, very soon.
eh please tell whoever it is to stop squeezing my tummy.
I don't know. Sometimes things are as tough as they seem. You made your choices and seem happy with most of them. Hope the septic tank issue works out. Hope you are not getting all that northwest weather! Alanon doesn't change our situation but changes our attitude about our situation.
Deb...did you ask your alcoholic and/or his new partner if they had an extra couple hundren they could give you for the pump? No harm in asking when you're in the mood to give.
I think "he's been a part of me forever" doesn't stop when he dies. Obviously it's not the same, and he's not THERE - but the connection, I believe, does not cease to exist when his body does. Just as he hasn't actually been THERE for a long time now, but the connection is still there.
You say you don't want him to have to go through this, and I can certainly empathize with that.... what I'm wondering though is, is that sometimes when I don't want a loved one to go through something I know will be painful, it turns out that the pain is part of a larger opportunity for growth and flowering. I guess what I'm saying is - maybe the journey your AH is embarking on is going to bring him closer to his hp, and that closeness is achieved partly through the pain. You'd like to save your AH from the pain - but perhaps that would deny him the hp closeness too.
I think for me it comes down to remembering - often, believe me, with great difficulty - that my hp has a way better view of the big picture than I do. And trusting that he will use that view for the greatest good.
Yesterday I was speaking to a friend who has a similar illness that the ex A has. I felt a twinge about how I imagine the ex is doing with his own illness. I am also aware that he has many many issues that he chooses not to deal with.
Personally al anon has taught me self protection. While I have empathy for others I have more empathy for myself now. One of the reasons I am in the situation I am in is because I completely gave away my life to the A.
I feel for you Debilyn. I would not want to have all the ailments you do and be all alone. The A may be in jail and no one is saying having oral cancer is easy. As the same time its such a cop out. He doesn't have to struggle to keep a roof over his head, he doesn't have to look at anything, he sits there and gets it all done for him. I think personally that's what the disease takes them to. The ex A who I was with became a person who just wanted to 'take" he wasn't always like that but that is what he became.
No one should have to suffer at all. I have to remind myself constantly I'm included in that.
yes you all make sense. I agree, he has had so many opportunities to grab on and figure it out. Hp is there for him, all he has to do is let go.
ty jerry but she is poor in money. tiny apt. old car etc. he has zero income as he does not have the brain capacity to get his ssd or va. I have offered to help so many times. But he refuses to go to their docs.
too brain damaged, too violent or I would handcuff him and get him there.
yes I made my choices. I could not afford to live in an apt with my ssd and pers. so live under a bridge or go camp in the mountains with the animals or stay here. I am here.
I don't make a choice to love him. I do. but I won't sacrifice me for his disease. He would not want me to. He feels so much guilt seeing me where I am.
YES I agree, he has had alll that toilet, warmth, clean cloths, no mud. companianship. It is prison not jail. yes he will have all his needs met, if he makes it that far.
Thank you for more responses, I am so so appreciative of them, more than you could ever know.
Marisie, you know I would rather live alone with this digestive disease. After the court thing I was so sick that way. It would have been so embarrassing to have anyone here. stress, with all that adrenline going thru my gut makes things as horrible as possible for a while.
That is when I wish sooo much I had a warm bathroom for my shower....
lol hey like you guys said, this stuff I go thru I learn. With Hp's help, soon I will be able to make this a normal hovel. lol I have such a beautiful view of the mountains, great place for my critters, pastures to rent, two houses to rent, so at least I have some positive here!
Rather be camping in the woods than live in an apt.
I am out of kerosene, but it is not real cold right now.
ALWAYS IN MY PRAYERS AND THOUGHTS. Each day I try to picture your beautiful mountain and I ask that your mountain will be clothed in "sunshine" so that you will have the strength to keep on keeping on. You know how much I care, dear friend.
Suzannah
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
and prison.
