The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AS is in a free apartment from a friend. It is located in a very bad area, but the apartment is nice. It is close to the court where he is supposed to report daily and close to the addiction day program he is supposed to attend. He has nothing basically. His car was almost totalled and will be repossessed. He has no job and his friends are starting to get away from him little by little. He has so many court cases and fines to face and I don't think he is completely complying with the court orders. He asked me for money to pay two warrant charges that are out for him. I said "No." That was so hard for me. I really think it was to buy booze and drugs not pay those fines. He has no more time on his phone. I gave him $60 on Monday to put time on it, but Wednesday he came to the house all messed up. My husband does not want him coming here anymore. I had told him to call and make sure it was okay with me, but he just comes when he feels like it. He called me to meet him in a parking lot to deliver clothes he had washed when he was here yesterday. I told him he needs to get sober, we can get through all this, and he doesn't have to live this way. He just hasn't hit bottom. This is so painful for me and my ex-husband and both families. I do go to Al-Anon but I am still so saddened and worried about him dying. Sometimes I think jail may be the answer. My next task is to try to live in the day. I am completely overwhelmed when I think about what can happen.How does one cope with all this? It just never ends.
Oh I wish there was answers for all you are going through, your son holds all the cards. You can only go day-to-day, you can't pay his way out, it would not do any good right now, he doesn't yet see what he is doing to himself and to you.
There are no words for him right now, he won't listen, you can only change and take care of yourself, right now that is NOT what you are thinking about, all you can think about is your son and what is going to happen if he does this, and what if he doesn't do that?
Your emotions are so raw, you are in a very lonely and hard, hard place. Do you have a place to go where you can get some face to face support? Can you go to meetings? You need to be with other people right now that understand this unbearable situation.
I will think about you and your son, I know the place you are in right now, and it is called "hell" that is only way to describe it.
I will remember you and your son in my prayers, please come back and talk to us, we are all rowing in the same boat.
You get through this by doing exactly what you are doing. You're working your program and staying focused. You are setting boundaries and sticking to them. The hardest thing is to watch our loved ones desytroy themselves. Every time by Tim took a drink, it stabbed me in the heart. Not because I didn't want him to drink, but because I didn't want him to die. What we think their rock bottom is, usually isn't. They have to hit it (sometimes again and again) and then realize what their choices are. The only way he may get sober is by going to jail. Addicts don't have that many choices when they are in the grips of this awful disease: jail, institution, death or (hopefully) sobriety and recovery. All you can dear one is to turn him over to his HP.
Keep to your program. Remember it's okay to hurt, to be angry and all those other feelings. It's how we heal. Be gentle on yourself, and take time for Trinia. She deserves it. I will say an extra prayer for you and your family. Love and blessings to you and your family. I hope this New Year will bring you more oeace and serenity.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Detaching is very very hard to do. I found myself in the chat room here a lot when I first came into the program. Sometimes we do indeed have to stay in today. I've spend most of my life being over responsible for others and not responsible for myself.
I also worked on turning the exA over to God as I understood him. In theory at least the A should have been dead long ago. He drove drunk, drove erratically, got dangerous driving charges all over the place. He was always paying fines, totalling cars and more. I did not see the red neon signs when I first met him.
We can help you here. Come to this board often, get to know people. Watch how they work a program. There are miracles here every single day.
