The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So the guy just stopped communicating, guess my picture scared him off ;) but I actually do have a date with someone else so it all works out of course I was much more excited about the other guy. I find myself thinking this horrible thought. Taking what you get and staying in the now... I want that intense feeling of getting someone I really really wanted! On the flip side I know that appearances are not what they seem and sometimes the ones we get really excited about are the ones that cause the most pain. I want the passion and excitement and that feeling you get when you believe that you have someone that is too good for you and they believe the same about you. I remember with my ex we clicked in every way. Now that we have been apart for so long I don't think it would be the same because I have changed so much. But I miss that, the feeling that everything is in sync and we share similar values, beliefs, goals, etc. That stomach flipping feeling just thinking about him. Like I can't wait to see him, the anticipation, the intensity...
So I'm going out on new year's eve with this guy that I don't know, he's not really my type, I'm not that excited about it and I find myself thinking that it's probably better for me to date people I'm not that into than to seek out the exceptional and wait my life away. It's a sad prospect. I'm tired of being alone but I don't want to settle either. I guess in reality this is all or nothing thinking, I can't just date a guy and have some fun and move on, it's true love or nothing at all. I wonder why I have such black and white thinking about this and nothing else?
So there is another guy I have run into a few times at the local bars that I had been chatting with online and he is obviously a complete alcoholic. I talk to him, be nice to him, even contemplate the idea of being friends with him, but I was talking to my good friend last night and commented about the things that he says and I told her all I hear is... I'm an alcoholic run away NOW! Then I said it's funny what I used to hear was I have problems but you can fix me, please help me! So, I guess that's progress.
WOW TLC-you NEVER cease to amaze me.....never thought of it like that before but how true........to be that good at sweeping someone as guarded as me off my feet-he must have had A LOT of practice-DUH!!!!
I think like you I want the reverse now.....slow and easy in the beginning, enjoy the getting to know another person completely before allowing them the honor of being in mine and my son's life...
Right now though, like you, I'm just not up for it-at least today:)....I know that will change eventually probally, but right now I'm just trying to make me the best me I can be and not carry all my junk into another relationship that will be doomed to fail because of it....
It's hard being alone sometimes CG-and it seems unfair, and it can be painful.....but from my experience "settling" as you put it is just postponing what is sure to be another bad experience in the long run...
Take care of you........and take it slow.....
__________________
Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
I haven't been on here in a little while much. Too busy living!
Those who know me, know I struggled with my AH (now my exAH for years.) I suffered psychological and mental abuse, and a couple of times was shoved. Threatened almost daily for the past few years.
I owe my life to Alanon. I finally decided to detach with love and that also meant loving ME! So, I moved out in July and our dissolution was final in October.
As far as dating, I had no intention of EVER, EVER again being with a man. But, HP had my best interests in mind when he put a man in my path. Not just any man. This one is not an A, does not have issues at all, except he likes to leave his socks on all the time and he hates spinach. He goes to church. He doesn't curse. He loves my cat.
The man I am now seeing is the kindest, gentlest man I have ever met. But far from being "girly" he is totally masculine, totally sure of himself. Knows how to treat a woman. Opens doors. Helps with coats. Takes out the trash and washes the car. He just got divorced last year after his wife found a boyfriend at work (who she said looks like Clay Aiken from American Idol....eewwww.) He works out daily, has a good job, a beautiful new car. He is kind, and sweet, and helpful to his parents, to my daughter and granddaughter. He loves me like I've never, ever been loved. It seems like a dream to me, that I, a master at picking wrong men, had one pick me who is perfect for me.
I never thought in my wildest dreams there was a person out there just for me.
I used to not like guys who were "too nice" before. Guess HP knew what He was doing, and allowed me to go thru all kinds of tests before handing me this new friend.
I don't know where this relationship is headed, but I have a good idea. He told me Sunday that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me! He makes my life easier just by being in it. Every other man I ever married, dated, lived with, whatever, brought pain and discord to my life, even early in the relationship. I just overlooked it. Now I have my eyes wide open, and all I can see is a bright, glorious future.
I think HP finally allowed me to come full circle. I love myself now, and now I can love someone else. We were two lonely people who just fell into each other, but it was like coming home. Just that "Ahhh, there you are!" feeling.
For anyone new here, Alanon works. Enjoy dating. Take one day at a time. Take it easy.
Before Alanon, I don't know if I would have appreciated the beautiful gift of love I now have. You can do it.
I can relate very much. I saw a guy a month ago at a place I go to. I just had a flipped heart about him. I did not act on it at all. I miss that feeling too. I also know what it cost me to act out on those feelings. I went way way too fast in relationships. One of the issues that got me when I met the ex A was I had been dating diligently and I did not know how to do it.
I think its good to go on dates. Take it slow. Give yourself time. I didn't do that before. I jumped in. The last jumping in nearly destroyed me. I will be years repairing it. I did not jump out. Now when I meet people who have issues I can't deal with I let go. I used to jump in before. I am so grateful to be in this program. Of course we want it all today. Sometimes we have to wait and learn.
I'm so glad you have friends you can talk to about this stuff.
He goes to church. He doesn't curse. He loves my cat.